Money stress and retirement concerns are common in blended families, especially when one partner handles most of the finances. Conflicts can arise over spending, priorities, and free time, making everyday life feel tense even in otherwise happy households.
Hey Bright Side!
So here’s the deal: I (58M) am about a year away from retiring. My wife (46F) has two teenagers from a previous marriage, 14M and 16F. Great kids, but they’re rarely home before 8 p.m. One has soccer, the other theater, and they spend half the week at their dad’s place. Most nights it’s just me and her. For context, I’ve been the one paying all the bills since we got married.
I don’t mind that, I love her, I love the kids, but retirement is creeping up, and I’ve been stressing like crazy about money. Things are already tighter than I’d like. So the other night, I gently suggested that maybe she could pick up a part-time job. Nothing insane, just something to help out a little bit since she does have a lot of free time during the day. She actually said she’d “think about it,” which I thought was a good sign.
Maybe she got the new bag for her new job she plans on getting.. Maybe he should look at it as it may be the last thing he buys for her.. Since she's younger and he's fixing to retire and she's going to have a job now.. Maybe it's him she'll kick to the curb since her suggested she get a job and that one person stated that the husband should do the same with her and her 2 kids .
Fast forward literally, the very next day, my head boiled when I saw she walked in with a designer handbag, insisting it was “a timeless purchase.” Like, full-on bougie label, and we are not talking cheap. I asked her what that was about, and she just smiled and said it was a “timeless purchase.” I swear, I could feel my blood pressure spike.
You shouldn’t of married her knowing she had kids.
If she cooks, cleans, does laundry and grocery shops then she works. The timing for the handbag purchase was bad. Does she know how tight things are with money? Does she frequently make expensive purchases? Hubby should tell his wife exactly how he feels. The household budget should include money for her personal purchases. With a part time job, she could contribute toward the bills. Also, she should save part of her income to buy a luxury item. .
Lots of people do ALL those things and still work. Most work full time and still do all those things. Her bag purchase was a slap in the face. Period
If you had to pay someone to cook and clean for you and all the other things housewives do you would realize what a bargain that purse was!
Bull§hit
Lots woman work. If she doesn't have a health issue , she's capable of working. And your purse as a bargain justification is completely inappropriate.
Like most women, she was looking for and found a schmuck to support her and her spawns.
Goes both ways, some of the worst gold diggers are men, with a side order of housework, cooking and unpaid childcare.
Seriously! My soon-to-be ex-husband complained that I stayed in bed all day long for 5 years.
Now that we've been separated for nearly 3 months his tune is "I didn't realize how much you were doing." 😄
At least the divorce will help him find out what I was really doing.
Rude but 💯 correct. I am not like that but most women are. I 64, Semi Retired Disabled woman. Single. I work 3-4 days a week. SSDI/2 Different retirement annuities/paid every Friday from p/t work which keeps me trimed walking 5 miles per 4/5 hrs shifts. Divorced. Most men only see my money. Instead I push on. Independently Alone. Happy
Grow up. Both genders can be gold digger. I met a user right before I met my husband of 38 years. It takes BOTH of us to make things work, especially with money. You sound too immature to be in a committed relationship with an equal. I wish you the best of luck. 🤞🏼
I personally think if a person wants to make extravagant purchases they should earn their own money. Expecting a partner to cover things like that when financially downsizing is unreasonable. Maybe she can have the choice of non getting a job but also agreeing to not spend extra and stay on budget or, if she wants extra spending money on anything it needs to come from her income.
Here I am, I’m crunching numbers for retirement, and she buys a designer bag, calling it a “timeless investment.” I can’t get past how careless it looks. And I’m questioning whether I came on too strong, or if she’s the one being completely unreasonable here. What do you guys think, am I being controlling, or is she being out of touch with reality here?
Thank you in advance,
Jack.
Thank you for sharing your story, Jack! We know it’s not easy to talk about money and family stuff so openly. We pulled together some pieces of advice, not as perfect answers, but as thoughts a good friend might share. Hopefully, a few of them give you a different angle or at least make you feel less alone in this.
While money and marriage can be tricky, these conversations can also bring couples closer when handled with care. With patience and teamwork, financial stress can turn into an opportunity to build a stronger future together.
Open a new bank account in just your name have all direct deposits put in there make all bills automatically withdrawn from that account. Cancel all credit cards order new ones sent to you somewhere she won't get them first. After all bills are paid and groceries are bought divide what is left in half put half back for emergencies divide the other half in half again give her one half and tell her that is all she has to spend because you are getting ready for retirement without having to file bankruptcy.
Either take the purse back or sell it on line. It's YOUR purse YOU paid for it. Get a spine as you are nothing more then an ATM!!!
Who doesn't work in 2025? I mean to each his own but this isn't the 50's men working with no help from their partner is part of the reason men die early to much of a heavy load to carry alone.
Your wife is not a mind reader, sir. Suggesting to your wife that she *might* think about getting a part time job is not the same as having a direct conversation about tightening the budget to prepare for retirement. This really sounds like a lack of clear communication. You and the wife need to sit down and talk about your thoughts, fears, expectations and ideas regarding retirement (and budget!).
You better be careful when it comes to making threats about money now. Because retirement and social security can be considered an asset in divorce court, and if she can make it look like you're financially abusing her because you controlled all the assets during your marriage you will have to pay her alimony out of that retirement. Not to mention again because she never worked they will use that against you in divorce court for alimony.
