I Found Out the True Reason My Partner of 5 Years Doesn’t Want to Marry Me

Relationships often face their biggest tests when future goals don’t quite align—especially around big decisions. Even couples deeply in love can struggle when long-term dreams start to clash. One Reddit user recently shared a heartfelt story about facing this very dilemma with her partner of five years.

She wrote:

My partner (30M) and I (25F) have been together for 5 years. We have lived together for 4. We are very much in love, we have a home and pets together, and I have no complaints about our relationship—I really am happy with him, and we have great chemistry.

We have talked about engagement/marriage before. Personally, I’m not too set on marriage right now, but I do like the idea of at least getting engaged and having a ring. Whenever I would bring the topic up, he would get really avoidant and make a joke or try to change the subject. It was confusing to me considering we have had this talk before and he “wants to be with me forever.”

But I finally found out why. The other day, I noticed him sitting there, buried in his thoughts. I came closer and asked him to share what was bothering him. I froze when he told me that he wants to have kids and wants to make sure that the person he marries also wants kids.

I do not want kids. We had multiple discussions about it afterward, but we never actually came to any sort of agreement. He basically thinks I’m going to change my mind in the future, since I’m still young.

And I don’t say anything is impossible, but I’m pretty sure I won’t change my mind. I know what goes into motherhood and raising a child, and I honestly just don’t think it’s for me. Also, I have a career that having a kid would really hinder.

Since we never came to any conclusion, I’m pretty sure he’s just willing to wait and spend as much time as he can with me until he’s ready to start a family and see if I’ve changed my mind or not and that’s when we’ll make an actual decision. But I can’t help but have this mental block knowing, eventually, this is probably going to end.

And as much as I don’t want it to, this just isn’t something either of us should have to sacrifice. I totally respect him for wanting to be a father, and I would never want him to give that up to be with me, which he has kinda hinted at before.

So I’m really torn. I don’t know what to do. It would of course break my heart to break up, at any point. But is this something we need to decide now? Or should we wait it out? Has anyone else been in this position?

Also! I want to mention that he’s very set on not breaking up anytime soon. I also don’t want to break up, of course, but I agree that it’s not fair to either of us. I would prefer if HE made that decision, and not me. But I know he won’t. So it’s a hard position for me considering how deeply involved we are.

Other Reddit users joined the conversation and shared their perspectives, leaving comments such as:

• Time to end it. You want fundamentally different lives. Stop wasting each other’s time.
  It will be painful but best for both of you. Don’t have a child for someone else, and don’t be the reason someone else doesn’t have a child. © Ta-veren- / Reddit

• This is hard to swallow, but this is the answer.
  I’m sure you’ve both created a space filled with love and have grown together over the past 5 years, but everything has an expiry date, some sooner than others. You both deserve to have the things you want, and that’s looking to be two separate paths. It’s incompatible, even though your feelings for each other say otherwise. © HeyGoogleImSad / Reddit

• Child free person here. There’s nothing wrong with wanting kids, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting them. However, this such a fundamental difference in life goals that is a dealbreaker.
  Someone will get hurt. Either, OP, you end up having kids without wanting them (horrible for the kids and you) or he ends up resenting you for not having kids.
  Could you change your mind? Maybe. Not likely. But staying in a relationship based on a “maybe” is awful. The expectation will always be there. © Jealous_Macaroon_982 / Reddit

• Break up. It’s hard, but if it drags on, resentment will grow on both sides and then it will end ugly. It’s OK to want different things. He’s free to want to find someone excited to have kids, and you’re free to find someone excited NOT to have kids. © Alum2608 / Reddit

• You don’t have to have kids! That’s totally fine! The only bad thing is either having kids when you knew you shouldn’t, or pressuring someone who doesn’t want kids to have them. © No-Interaction-8913 / Reddit

• I force this question in the beginning of all of my relationships. Time is one thing you CAN NOT give back to anyone, or they can’t give it back to you. If you do not have similar goals in a relationship, don’t start. Or if you find this out, end it. [edited] © Szeltyuk / Reddit

Major life events like weddings or financial changes can often intensify already fragile family dynamics—especially between parents and siblings. One Bright Side reader recently opened up in a heartfelt letter, revealing how betrayal and emotional pressure from her own family left a lasting impact. Her powerful story is shared here.