I Give Up All My Free Time to Babysit My Grandchildren, but Nobody Seems to Care About Me

Hey Bright Side,
My MIL is super helpful. Like, she’s the type who’ll bring over food unasked, help clean up after dinner, offer to babysit, etc. And I’ve always been genuinely grateful for her.
But lately, it feels like she’s crossing lines. A couple weeks ago, at a family party, we were about to take a “just the immediate family” picture. I asked her (politely, I swear!) if she could step aside for one shot. She looked surprised, but didn’t say anything and stepped back.
On the outside, no drama. Inside though? I was boiling.
But I have my reasons. I recently found out that she and my husband had planned an entire family vacation without even looping me in. I mean, flights booked, accommodations chosen, itinerary set, all behind my back.
When I called them on it, MIL was like, “Oh, I was just trying to make things easier for you.” But honestly? It didn’t feel like she was helping me. It felt like she was replacing me.
And the cherry on top? I later heard from cousins that she’s been gossiping about me, saying stuff like I’m “too controlling” or “not easy to work with.” So now, not only do I feel sidelined in my own family, I’m being painted as the bad guy.
That photo moment was small, but it hit me: I’m done being pushed out. I need to set some boundaries and take back my role in my family. But part of me worries I’m overreacting and just letting my hurt feelings get the best of me.
Bright Side, am I blowing this out of proportion? How do I set boundaries without nuking the relationship completely?
Best,
Mikaela
Thank you for opening up and sharing your story, Mikaela! I know that’s not always easy. We pulled together some pieces of advice that we hope feel supportive and give you a few different ways to look at things. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and just know you’re not alone in this.
While dealing with in-law dynamics can be tricky, setting boundaries and finding your voice can strengthen both your confidence and your relationship. With patience and clear communication, it’s possible to create a healthier, more balanced family dynamic.
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