I Lied to My Son About His Dad—His Response Hit Me Hard

Our reader finally came clean to her 17-year-old son about his father—how he abandoned them both and never looked back. But what came next caught her completely off guard. Did the lie cause more damage than the truth ever could?

Hi, Bright Side,

I’m honestly a mess right now. I have a 17-year-old son, Tyler. His dad and I had a short relationship when I was 19. When I told the guy I was pregnant, he flipped out. First, he tried to gaslight me into getting rid of the baby, and when I refused, he dipped. Blocked me everywhere, changed his number, and moved out of town. I was on my own from day one.
I never told Tyler the full story. I didn’t want him to grow up thinking he was unwanted, so I made something up. I told him his dad had died in an accident before he was born. I know now that it was dumb.
Over the years, he asked questions like, “What was my dad like?” or “Was he happy to know that I’ll be born soon?” I always gave vague answers. He never pressed too hard until recently. A week ago, he came home from school and told me that someone who named himself his dad contacted him on Facebook and said he wanted to talk and meet. I checked the profile, and that was him. I panicked. I admitted everything. Told him I lied because I didn’t want him to feel worthless. That his dad knew he existed and chose to leave anyway.
Tyler just stared at me like I was a stranger for some seconds, then he went to his room and slammed the door. I figured he needed time. But the next morning, his bed was empty. He left a note that just said: “Mom, you’ll never hear of me again if you try to find me. I need to understand this on my own.”
It’s been four days. His friends haven’t heard from him. I’m sick with worry and guilt. I thought I was protecting him from something no kid deserves to hear. What do I do now?

Julia

Hi, Julia,

Thank you for opening up. We know this must feel unbearable, especially not knowing where your son is right now. The most important thing is to stay focused on making sure he’s safe.

1. Try messaging him

Keep it short and honest. Here’s an example you can send:

“I know you probably need space, and I respect that. I just need to know you’re okay. Please send me a message when you can, even just a quick ‘I’m safe.’ I won’t call or try to find you until you’re ready to talk. I love you. Always here when you need me.”

You can follow up a few hours or even a day later with:

“No matter what happens, I’m still your mom. That hasn’t changed.”

2. If you think he might’ve gone looking for his father, let someone know.

Try contacting the dad. You mentioned that he contacted your son via Facebook, find him there, and let him know. Maybe he has more information on what’s going on. Try to stay away from accusations; you just need to know that your son is safe.

Even if you only have a rough idea of where his dad lives, it’s worth contacting the authorities in that area. If your son ends up nearby or gets into trouble, at least someone will already have his description and a reason to keep an eye out.

3. The wait is awful, but you’ll need to sit in it for now.

We know. It’s the worst feeling. He’s almost an adult, trying to process a truth you were trying to shield him from his whole life. That takes time. For now, the most powerful thing you can do is stay open, patient, and emotionally available—even from afar.

In the meantime, here are some words from others on our team who’ve been in similar spots—some as parents, some as kids who learned hard truths later in life:

• My dad never wanted me either. When I found out, it felt like someone knocked the air out of me. I didn’t blame my mom for lying, I just wish she’d told me sooner. — Adam
• I was in therapy when I first learned the truth about my biological father. I couldn’t believe my mom hid it for so long. But once I got past the anger, I understood why she did it. Give him time. — Rachel
• Finding out my father knew about me and still chose not to be involved messed with my head for years. But I never stopped needing my mom. — Nessa
• He’s grieving the dad he imagined, not the man he never met. Let him go through that process. The version of his dad he had in his head just crumbled. — Drew

The next story shows how even small choices can change everything in a family: I Chose My Daughter Over My Stepson—the Consequences Ruined My Family