Just remember you may need to wear diapers one day. Who will change them. Are you wrong for wanting boundaries, no. But later your children won't be wrong for putting you in a nursing home either. Just something to think about. You may be the built in babysitter now, but later they could be the built in nurse aids.
I Refuse to Babysit My Grandkids—I’m a Grandma, Not a Walking Daycare
When a grandmother’s love turns into unpaid labor, boundaries can get blurry. After constantly being called on to babysit her twin grandchildren, one grandma decided to take a stand. Find out how a simple Facebook post sparked a life-changing decision.
What was once a family favor turned into a full-time obligation
Dear Bright Side,
When my daughter-in-law welcomed twins into the world last year, I felt an overwhelming joy. Becoming a grandmother was such a dream for me. I imagined spoiling my grandbabies with love, hearing their giggles, and spending weekends basking in the joy of family. But I didn’t imagine this: endless nights spent rocking babies, handling dirty diapers, and stepping in as “the free babysitter” multiple times a week.
At first, I didn’t mind helping. I knew my son and daughter-in-law had their hands full. I went over a few times a week to babysit and help with housework. Sure, it was tiring, but it was out of love.


Before long, though, it felt more like I was running a daycare than visiting my grandkids. No one ever checked to see if I was available. I’d walk in, and my daughter-in-law would say, “Here’s one baby, and the other is on the changing table. Can you take care of that?”
But I’m not a nanny! I’ve already raised my children. I didn’t expect to take on this role in my 60s. Every time I tried to set a boundary, she’d tell me, “You’re their grandma. This is what grandmas do.”
But I don’t think that’s what being a grandma is supposed to be. It’s about love, joy, and support — not just unpaid labor. I’m not supposed to be expected to drop everything, clean up messes, and run a daycare. I tried talking to my son, but he was always too busy.
When I couldn’t take it anymore


Grandma knows her limits and the need to respect that.she raised her son already, and if she said she's tired trust me I have twins and it's hard work but I was also younger. Stop putting her in a nursing home stop putting pampers on her because all due reality a nurse will be there to help like a babysitter can be there for the twins
When I said I wasn’t comfortable with diaper duty and bedtime every night, my daughter-in-law got defensive. She asked, “So you don’t want to help?” I do want to help, but I also want to enjoy my retirement and have a life outside of babysitting. I want respect, not to feel like a servant.
The turning point came when a friend from my club pulled me aside and asked if I was really babysitting “every day for free.” She pointed out something that hadn’t even occurred to me until I saw it for myself: a post on Facebook. My daughter-in-law had shared a photo of me holding the twins, both of them sleeping peacefully in my arms. But I had somehow dozed off with a diaper on my shoulder. And the caption? “Here is my built-in free babysitter. This is the woman who makes weekend outings with my gals possible. Love you,” followed by poop and heart emojis.
Built-in free babysitter? That’s how she saw me now. Not “wonderful grandma” or “amazing help.” Just free childcare. It wasn’t meant to hurt me, but it did. It made me feel invisible, like I was only valued for what I could give her.
I stood my ground for the first time


After seeing that post, I finally sat down with my daughter-in-law and told her things had to change. “I love you and the twins. But I’m your mother-in-law, not your employee. I’m a grandma, not a free nanny.”
She was shocked. She said she thought I loved spending time with the babies and had always been so helpful. And I do love them. But I want to help on my terms, not out of guilt or obligation. I told her I’d still visit, but it had to be on my own schedule. I wouldn’t be changing diapers or staying overnight unless we agreed on it beforehand. She didn’t take it well. She called me “selfish and mean.” But I stood firm.
In fact, I decided to take the money I’d saved for the family and use it for a vacation instead. Now, I’m enjoying my time away. I haven’t replied to her texts asking for help. I’m loving the peace and solitude. But I can’t help but wonder — does this make me a bad mother-in-law or a bad grandmother?
Warmly,
Gladys
Thanks for sharing with us. Here are some recommendations you may find helpful:
Set Clear Boundaries with Family — It’s important to communicate your limits kindly but firmly. Setting boundaries will help you maintain your sense of self and avoid burnout.
Prioritize Your Own Well-being First — You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make time for rest and activities that recharge you emotionally and physically.
Have Honest Conversations with Your Son — Share your feelings about the situation with him openly. He may not realize how much it’s affecting you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Say No — It’s okay to turn down requests when they’re too much. Respecting your time and energy is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Focus on Quality Time, Not Quantity — Being there for your grandkids is wonderful, but don’t sacrifice your personal happiness. Ensure the time you spend with them is fulfilling and joyful.
Remember, the love of grandparents can shape generations in beautiful ways. If you’re looking for heartwarming stories of how grandparents make a lasting impact, check out these 12 unforgettable examples of love that shine through the years.
Comments
What it makes you is a mature woman who has reclaimed control of her own life. You raised your kids, you worked hard for your retirement, DO NOT LET ANYONE GUILT TRIP YOU INTO GIVING THAT UP.
There's all these social media diatribes about "selfish grandparents". All these stories by adult children about how THEIR grandparents were always there and provided THEIR mom with constant free help with child care and housekeeping and money gifts somshenhad it easy.
We also all know that for working families that is total BS and fantasy "memories" because in working families Mawmaw and PawPaw were also working 40-50 hours a week.
I never expected my mom and dad to be my free babysitters. There was the occasional overnight that was planned and an occasional Sat so I could work OT. But I never expected anything and if I asked and they couldn't that was the end of it. Especially since they both still worked FT.
I don't understand how anyone can just expect unlimited free childcare from their family members.
If she can brag about having free day care and then try to make you feel guilty by being manipulative. She needs to watch Her own kids or PAY for nanny.
Your DIL is self centered, arrogant, ingrate. And your son is a WHIMP who needs to stand up for you. You deserve better. Enjoy your retirement!
I'm missing the part where you had your son take some responsibility for not standing up and telling his wife enough is enough. You sat your DIL down but not your son with her? He's not an innocent in all this.

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