I Refuse to Become My Daughter’s Full-Time Servant Just Because I’m Retired

Most people long for retirement. That time when you finally have enough time for yourself. But unfortunately, what was meant to be a stress-free time for our reader, turned into a full-time job of being taken advantage of by her daughter. So when she finally reached her breaking point, she made her decision and didn’t turn back.

This is her story:

She began her letter by saying: “After I (62F) retired last year, I wanted to finally start travelling and trying new hobbies. But my daughter started asking me to occasionally babysit her toddlers.

At first, I didn’t mind helping, but helping once in a while turned into constant last-minute texts and cancelled plans of my own. I finally told her I needed to slow down. Her response? ‘You’re not working anymore. What else do you have to do?’

That was my final straw. That night, I called my travel agent and booked a non-refundable two-month group tour through Europe, leaving in 10 days. I haven’t answered a single text or call from her since.”

Thank you for your story!

Retirement isn’t a luxury.

Although financial security and well-being after a life of work feel more like a dream than a reality for most people, it’s actually a social and an economic right.

While some people are forced into it due to layoffs, health issues or other social and economic influences, it’s usually a person’s personal choice whether to be retired or to continue working. And most people use that time to do different things.

When you chose to retire, you had your own plan for how you wanted to use this time that you earned: I wanted to finally start traveling and trying new hobbies. And regardless of whether other people believe that you are using that time well or not, isn’t the issue, because it is your time to use how you like.

We are all entitled to change our minds.

Everyone at some point in their life has changed their mind. Because when you walk into something that turns out to not be what you expected, you’re allowed to leave.

That may be harder to do with family than with other people, but when someone tells you how to live your life, when you are fully capable of making your own decisions, then they are not respecting you.

Your daughter did not respect your time and her constantly expecting you to show up for her, made you incapable of showing for yourself: At first, I didn’t mind helping, but helping once in a while turned into constant last-minute texts and cancelled plans of my own.

Even after she knew you were worn out, she still didn’t understand that you didn’t leave one job to come perform another.

So withdrawing your help isn’t selfish of you because you didn’t leave your job to become her day and night assistant. And if she really doesn’t understand that, then you should let her know that you’re there to just help, not give your 24’hrs to her.

But if she’s constantly texting you, and she really does need some help with your grandchildren, then you can let her know what it is that you are willing to do and when.

Your reaction was appropriate.

You have finally done what you had set out to do when you retired in the first place. You kept a promise that you made to yourself, and that is a good step in valuing yourself and not allowing yourself to be a walk-over.

Sometimes other people can only value you when they see you begin to value yourself. So hopefully your daughter will see that your time is important, and learn to respect it.

Retirement is your time to be selfish. Enjoy it.

In this article, a mother asked her MIL for a simple favor. Instead, the woman made a terrifying realization that made her question whether she could ever rely on her MIL again.