I Refuse to Host My In-Laws Again Because They Don’t Have Any Manners

When you enter into marriage, you not only establish a new family unit with your spouse, but you also often inherit a network of in-laws. These individuals can contribute to your life with moments of happiness or, conversely, challenges. Each member of this extended family brings their unique personality traits and habits into the mix. A woman was put into an uncomfortable situation by her in-laws’ behavior when they came to visit. And due to their rudeness, she decided to refuse hosting them again.

A woman came into a conflict with her in-laws because of their rude behavior.

My husband and I finally bought our first house, 5bd/3bth, a year ago. Over the holidays, we thought we’d take on the role of hosting a few get-togethers.

From my perspective, it was hell. I hated every second of it. I never really hosted anything or «entertained» or whatever you want to call it. Maybe it’s just that I’m not used to the requirements. But growing up, my mom or dad would host family, and they were nothing like this. My in-laws did things like:

• Let kids run around screaming/yelling, up and down stairs, touching things that didn’t belong to them, making messes and not making them clean up after themselves.
• Parents didn’t bring anything for the kids to do and got pissy with us for not having anything for them.
• Brought a dog into our house, let the dog on the furniture
• Left chairs sticking out of tables/counters instead of pushing them in
• Stomped around the house with their shoes on despite being asked to remove them
• Left trash/paper plates etc sitting around or balled up instead of placing it in the trash

• Opened multiple bottles/cans of drinks and only took a sip and left it open
• Pulled out and used new rolls of toilet paper when there was still plenty left on the rolls
• Opened medicine cabinets
• Only one person asked if we needed help at any point, and it was my husband’s brother’s new girlfriend, who we were all meeting for the first time. She offered to help us clean up, bring out food, etc.

This was a terrible experience. My husband was shocked at his family’s behavior and didn’t know what to say. I don’t blame him for this at all. He was just a part of the hosting as me, but he was seeing his family through new eyes as well.

When he talked to his mom and dad after, they just laughed at us and said, «That’s what hosting is.» So, we decided together we would rather not go through all that again. When Easter was coming up, my in-laws asked what our plans are. My husband said that we aren’t going to host after everyone’s awful manners.

His mom and dad are upset with us. We have the big house, so they figured it would be on us from now on. We said that the only way we would ever even consider hosting is if every member of his family pitched in some way. They said that defeats the purpose of someone else hosting, and that no one should be expected to pitch in if we offer to host. So we said we won’t host.

Maybe I’m just not meant to host. But are we truly so far out of bounds to refuse to host anymore because of how his family behaves?

Redditors were all on the woman’s side.

• «Your house, your rules. And if people are ignoring those rules, then I think it’s fair not to host.
  But what really gets me is the shoe thing. It’s super common in a lot of cultures not to wear shoes in the house. It’s something you should expect and respect when going to someone else’s house. It’s such a baseline boundary that to disregard it is ABSURD.
  What are you getting out of it to ignore that rule? A petty sense of control? I could deal with the chairs, and even the messes, but if people went out of their way to spite the house rules for absolutely no reason, I wouldn’t invite them back either. If they can’t respect something as basic as no shoes, they don’t have an iota of respect for you or your husband.» Bureaucratic_D*** / Reddit
• «I loved hosting, we love our home—having the kids playing in the pool, cooking for our family is our way of showing love for people. BUT, we had to stop.
  EVERY TIME they came over, something was broken...blinds had to be re-tightened, doorknobs had to be put back on, scratch marks on the hardwood floors, huge oil stains in the driveway, and worst of all, one family member had to be watched at all times due to their stealing habits.
  It was too much and we said no more. Every year after, one sibling kept trying to hold events at my house, and I shut that talk down. Everybody loves a party until it’s their turn to host.» Shutupandplayball / Reddit
• «‘They said that defeats the purpose of someone else hosting, and that no one should be expected to pitch in if we offer to host.’ GREAT...so THEY can host and you guys can attend and make a mess and leave it. PERFECT! Tell them thank you for suggesting it.» Pink_lady-126 / Reddit

• «It’s pretty clear to me that hubby’s parents cultivated the expectation that family holidays are no-holds-barred events where relatives are allowed to be mannerless, and now they were looking forward to passing this lovely tradition onto the next generation without having to address their monumental failure in teaching and enforcing basic manners.
  They can’t get behind OP and hubby’s offer to host if everyone behaves because it would mean that they would have to admit to their past failures and the family to their past bad behavior. Easier to dig in than to do some reflection and personal growth.» NapTimeSmackDown / Reddit
• «I have 7 siblings and 32 nieces and nephews, ages 0-30. EVERYONE pitches in. Yes, it is hectic and kids make messes, but everyone helps set up and clean up. For your in-laws to expect you to host and do everything yourself is nonsense.» Ok-Error-6564 / Reddit

• «Your in-laws sound a little out of touch. That’s not ‘just what hosting is’. Sure, you’re responsible for a large part of any event you host, but any guest with any ounce of etiquette or just basic human decency would A) behave in a civilized and respectful manner and B) at the very least offer to help with clean up, ask what they can bring, etc.
  I’m pretty certain if you and your husband did even half of what they did to you at an event they hosted, you’d hear about it, and it wouldn’t just be ‘what hosting is’. Let them be upset.» wildhoneybea / Reddit
• «Next time, do the same things at their house. When they complain, throw their words back at them, ‘That’s what hosting is.’ Then walk out.
  This was 100% a power move by them. They were testing your boundaries to see what they could get away with. Now they’re mad that you won’t let them walk all over you, and they can’t use the big house.» Inner-Nothing7779 / Reddit

Getting along with your in-laws can be difficult. A man and his wife got into an argument with his wife’s parents when they refused to stop asking the couple to have grandkids as soon as possible.