Not long ago, I was the one struggling, reaching out for support from my mom. Now it’s her on the other end of the line: ill, devastated, and alone, but I refuse to lend her a hand. Not out of spite, but because I think it’s the right decision.
Hello to the readers and team at Bright Side,
I’d like to share something personal that’s been weighing on me. A while back, life hit me hard. I was completely overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, financially drowning, and unsure of how to move forward. Out of desperation, I called my mother, hoping she might offer some kind of support. I pleaded for help.
But instead of comfort, I got rejection. She told me her husband needed the money more. She didn’t even pause to consider my situation. In that moment, her message was loud and clear: he came first. I was left alone to face my mess.
Months went by without a word. Then one day, out of the blue, she called. Her voice was shaky, full of tears. She said she was sick and had no one. But what really made my stomach turn was hearing her husband in the background.
Your mother, for obvious reasons you've included in your letter, is absolutely untrustworthy to not just you but this husband of hers. She will crush you even worse this time if you open the door to her. It will tear you up twice as hard. Don't even entertain the idea. Just because you share family blood with someone doesn't mean you have to let them use you at you expense and I don't limit that to money. If a friend treated you in a similar manner you'd have ghosted them. Move on.
He said loud and clear, “Yeah, go run to your broke daughter. I want you gone.”
Turns out, he had discovered she was having an affair and kicked her out. The very man she put before me had tossed her aside. Now she had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. She asked for help. A place to stay. A second chance. I was stunned and simply hung up. When I didn’t pick up or respond, she texted me calling me “heartless”.
She did make her bed, unfortunately with someone other than her husband. She created this mess. It's not up to you to bail her out. She made her choices where her priorities lie when you asked for help. It's unfortunate that she's sick but with some people, no matter how much you might give, it will never be enough. No good deed goes unpunished. Put on your own oxygen mask first. You can wish her the best but not your job to clean up her messes.
Part of me was furious. How could she expect support from me when she offered none when I needed it most?
But another part of me still sees her as my mother. She’s sick. She’s hurting. And even now, I don’t want anyone to suffer alone.
Still, I can’t forget the way she dismissed me, the way she completely abandoned me. I remember it so clearly. We’re always told to look after our parents, but what happens when they let us down first? I’m not trying to be spiteful. I’m trying to heal and I don’t know if can trust her again.
So I’m asking: am I making the right call? Is this the time to forgive, or is it better to walk away for good? I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts.
In our previous letter, a woman revealed why she refused to cancel her vacation for her sick stepdaughter. Read it here.
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