I Refuse to Pay for My SIL’s Family Trip, I’m Not an ATM

When it comes to family, love can make boundaries blurry. We want to help. We want to say yes. But sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is draw a line — especially when the cost of crossing it isn’t just money, but peace, privacy, and emotional well-being.

One of our readers recently shared a story that perfectly captures this struggle — a story about tradition, resentment, and a very expensive test of patience.

My family saves to afford twice yearly vacations.

Twice a year, my wife, our three kids, and I take a trip. Spring Break is for domestic adventures. Summer is when we travel internationally.

These trips are everything to me. They’re our reset button — a reward for living frugally the rest of the year. And we go big. We make memories that our kids will remember forever.

These vacations are funded by passive income I earn through a family-owned commercial real estate business, and I don’t mind paying for it. The way I see it, this is a way to strengthen family bonds, with just our family.

My SIL wanted to be a part of the action and my wife gave in.

After our summer trip last year, my SIL said her family wanted to join our next family trip — with their two kids. My wife didn’t say no. She didn’t even hesitate. I only found out a couple months later.

I hated the idea and was frustrated. Actually, I was furious. I have a complicated history with my sister-in-law. Let’s just say we don’t get along.

But my wife convinced me and smoothed things over. We agreed my sister-in-law’s family could join our family trip-only if they paid their own way. Outside of a few shared meals, I wouldn’t have to see much of her. Fine. I agreed. Begrudgingly.

But life threw them a curveball and I got hit in the process.

This year, my SIL’s husband’s job changed everything. He had been working remotely, but was suddenly required to return to the office — out of state. He chose to resign and quit his job, thanks to a decent severance package. He stopped looking for work, and that decision meant one thing: they could no longer afford the trip. I assumed they wouldn’t come.

But two weeks ago, my mother-in-law, my wife, and my sister-in-law spent the day together. SIL kept going on and on about how devastated she was to miss the trip. My mother-in-law, in her usual fashion, decided to play puppet master. She pulled my wife aside and said, “You know you can pay for the trip. Just do it.”

Suddenly, I was expected to pay for my own misery.

Convinced, my wife offered to cover their entire trip. She told me with a smile, like it was a kind gesture. But I didn’t feel kind, I felt livid.

“You want me to pay for the terrible experience of doing this trip with your sister?” I asked. “No. Absolutely not.” This wasn’t just about the money — though, the trip would now be twice as expensive.

This was about the fact that we’d made an agreement. I had only said yes to her coming under certain conditions. Those conditions were now impossible. So my answer changed too.

I even offered a compromise, but I’ve still upset everyone.

The only people I feel bad for are their kids. So I offered to take them with us. I would be fine with that. They could stay with us.

But I’m not an ATM. I can’t pay for their parents as well...especially considering how I feel about my sister-in-law.

My wife thinks I should “take one for the team.” But that’s not what this trip is for. It’s not a team effort. It’s our family’s sanctuary.

Here’s our take on the situation:

Sometimes, protecting your peace is more generous than opening your wallet. If you feel resentment building over something that’s supposed to bring joy, it’s a sign that a boundary has been crossed. Here are three things to remember in moments like this:

• “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to justify your boundaries beyond your peace of mind.

• Protect what brings you joy. If something is sacred to you — a tradition, a trip, a quiet moment — it’s okay to defend it.

• Compromise doesn’t mean sacrifice. Offering a middle ground, like taking the kids but not the adults, can be a kind solution — but only if it feels right to you.

Setting boundaries are important in both personal and professional life. Here are 6 smart strategies to defend yourself against workplace mobbing.