I Refuse to Sacrifice My Own Needs for My Sick Stepchild

2 months ago

I always knew being a stepmom would come with tough choices, but I never expected one morning to suddenly ruin my life completely. I wasn’t trying to be the villain. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. I just chose not to put my life on pause for a child who isn’t my responsibility.

Hello Bright Side readers!

A friend told me about these blog posts, so I’m here giving it a shot, hoping for some answers. When I remarried two years ago, I knew stepping into a blended family wouldn’t be easy.

My husband has a daughter from his previous marriage. I’ve always tried to treat her with kindness and respect. But from day one, I also made one thing clear. I am not her mom. I never tried to be.

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Matt Smolensky

month ago

Wow, right from the start, you're dead wrong. Children deserve more than your "not her mom" stuff. Marry childless people if you dont want kids. People like you are so selfish it's sickening.

We’ve had a decent dynamic so far. She stays with us alternate weeks. When she’s here, I cook her meals, help with homework sometimes, and we even have a few inside jokes.

But I never tried to replace her real mother. That’s her lane, not mine.

One morning, everything changed.

It was a regular weekday. I had an important project due at work and was already running late. My husband was out of town for a work trip.

As I was getting ready, I heard my stepdaughter call out from her room. When I checked on her, she looked sick. Burning hot forehead.

I tried calling her mom right away. No answer. I called twice. Texted. Nothing.

At that point, I stood there frozen for a moment. I had to decide. Either cancel work and stay home, or go in and trust that her mom would eventually show up. And honestly, I chose myself.

Cathy F

week ago

Cold. Pack your bags and leave before he kicks you out. You said remarried. I can see why.

I know how that probably sounds. Cruel. Selfish. Cold. But I didn’t make that decision lightly.

I’ve worked hard to build a career. Missing that day would have meant letting down my team and risking a lot professionally. I didn’t feel like it was my place to fully step into “mom mode” when I’ve always been told to stay in my lane.

So I gave my stepdaughter some medicine. Left her water nearby. Turned the fan on low. And left. I asked my neighbor to keep checking on her until her mom or dad shows up.

What I came home to shocked me.

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Jen

month ago

My father did shift work and my mother worked days. I knew never to disturb them over silly things like being sick, but not sick enough to go to the hospital. NTA.

When I came back that evening, I knew something was off. The house was too quiet. I headed straight to her room, and that’s when I saw it. My husband was sitting on the edge of her bed. His ex-wife was sitting next to him, they were holding hands, looking at their daughter.

And yet, when I walked in, the two of them looked up at me like I had just committed a crime. My husband blew up at me. Said I abandoned his daughter. Called me heartless. Said if I “loved her like my own,” I would have never left.

But that’s the thing. I don’t love her like my own, I’ve never pretended to. I’ve been respectful and supportive, but I am not her mom. When I reminded him that her mother didn’t answer either, he brushed it off. Said she came over the second she saw my texts.

He took her side over me. So now I’m stuck wondering. Am I really such a monster for not skipping work? Is it wrong to put my own needs first? I feel like I did enough, did my part.

Not long ago, I was the one struggling, reaching out for support from my mom. Now it’s her on the other end of the line: ill, devastated, and alone. Read my story: I Refuse to Help My Sick Mom—Even If She Calls Me Heartless.

Comments

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Nancy Marine

2 weeks ago

Choosing a job over a sick child is no way to live.
First of all, you could drop dead tomorrow and your job will be looking for your replacement before your body is cold. Your family, though, would feel the loss for the rest of their lives. Or at least they should, we're you not someone who has a stone for a heart, with no conscience. You didn't even call to check on her during the day to see how she was doing. A fever in a child can go really bad really fast, and your stepdaughter was alone. You need some therapy to find out why your sense of worth is completely wrapped up in your job instead of seeking fulfillment in other parts of your life and the people in it.

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2 weeks ago

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If you don't want to be a mom to someone else's child why did you marry a man with a child? The child was sick that morning and her parents weren't available. YOU should have stayed with her. Don't want to be a parent? Then stay away from those who are. You're a monster in the worst way.

Cheryl Cadwell

2 days ago

So I am assuming that if OP saw an abandoned baby in the street that she would continue on to work because it wasn't HER baby. Regardless of whether she could reach the child's mother or not, she should have stayed with her because, as she said, the child was BURNING UP! I hope her career keeps her warm at night and celebrates her birthday with her, because no one else will be doing that now! She was supposed to be a WIFE and MOTHER, that's why her husband married her. I'm sure if he just wanted a bed buddy he could have found one pretty easily. I hope they were able to manage the girls sickness without too much difficulty, other than the STEP ELEPHANT (OP) IN THE ROOM.