I Ruined My Daughter’s Sleepover Because She Didn’t Follow My Rules

Sleepovers can be a daunting experience for any parent. Being responsible for someone else’s kids is no easy task. That’s why laying down some rules is important. But, in a lot of cases, like this one, some kids just ignore these rules and disobey their parent.

Her daughter is a good kid, with her quirks.

The parent writes, “I, 42F, have a daughter Anya (17F). She’s a good kid, has her quirks, but she’s a bit on the antisocial side. When she comes back from school, she’s usually in a bad mood. I suspected that she’s getting picked on a bit and I was right. My neighbor’s kids also go to the same school and she told me about it. One day, Anya came back from school in an oddly happy mood.”

Things were looking up for Anya.

“Anya told me that she wants to invite two girls for a sleepover. Apparently they apologized for treating her badly, but something felt fishy. Nonetheless, I let her invite them over. She would’ve pestered me until I said yes anyway. When the girls came over, I laid down two main rules, no noise past 11 and my room is off-limits. In my opinion, these are not strict rules.”

The girls went snooping around.

“I came upstairs to check on them at about 10. They are 17, I didn’t think I needed to check on them every hour or something. Turns out, they weren’t in Anya’s room. I heard some giggling in my room’s direction and was livid. I rushed to my room and saw it in ruins. I caught them messing with my clothes, makeup, and shoes.

I was beyond mad. I yelled at the girls to get out of my room and instantly called their parents. Anya told me to stop embarrassing her, but this was serious. They broke the rules and breached my privacy. She told me that she was peer pressured into doing it and didn’t want to cause a big mess. But, she needs to learn that actions always have consequences. Am I in the right or was I too harsh?”

Understanding what happened.

Finding them in your room, messing with your things, would understandably make anyone furious. You reacted in the moment by yelling, calling their parents, and enforcing consequences. It might’ve been harsh in Anya’s eyes, but from a parent’s perspective, it was a fair response. They violated your trust and privacy, and actions should have consequences.

Consider your daughter’s perspective.

Anya’s claim about being peer pressured is worth considering. At 17, she’s still learning how to stand up for herself. While that doesn’t excuse her actions, it might explain why she went along with it. Try to be more empathetic in that regard.

The next steps.

Try to talk to Anya calmly. Once emotions settle, ask why she let this happen and how she felt in the moment. This isn’t about excusing her behavior but understanding it. You’ll want to also reinforce boundaries. Remind her that rules exist for a reason, especially when it comes to respecting others’ spaces. In addition, If the girls at the sleepover were bothering her before, their sudden “apology” might not have been genuine. Keep an eye on the situation.

You weren’t wrong for being angry or enforcing consequences. However, this could also be a teaching moment for Anya about choosing better friends and standing up for herself. Parenting teens is messy. Just look at these stories that prove they need more attention than babies sometimes.