I Said I Don’t Want to Be a Mom—Now HR Is Coming After Me

3 weeks ago

I Said I Don’t Want to Be a Mom—Now HR Is Coming After Me

When a young woman casually mentioned over lunch that she never wanted to be a mom, she expected a few raised eyebrows, maybe some teasing. What she didn’t expect was for her comment to land her in a meeting with HR. What started as an innocent personal opinion suddenly turned into a full-blown drama.

Hello Bright Side readers!

I honestly didn’t think this would turn into a big deal, but here we are.

At work, everyone was talking about their kids, passing around baby photos and sharing stories about sleepless nights and first steps. They turned to me, waiting for me to chime in. I just smiled and said, “I’m happily childfree.” Their faces totally dropped.

One of my coworkers who is currently pregnant asked me then, “You never want to be a mom?” and I told her, “No, never. I love my independence, my body, sleeping peacefully, and all the extra money lol.”

I tried to lighten the mood, but no, they all looked very serious. They all gave me these tight, polite smiles and quickly changed the topic. I thought that was the end of it, but nope.

Cheryl Cadwell

3 weeks ago

I have read many stories about HR getting involved in people's personal lives and TBH I have to wonder what planet they work on. I have been in the work force for 50 years and the only time HR gets involved in people's family matters is when someone has to take time off for a family issue. They don't like that! Being family oriented is wonderful but unless you were trying to actively kill their children your co workers don't get to dictate your work or home life. When HR steps in because of it, you have LABOR LAWS that can shut them down. Also tell your nosy co workers that just because they choose to be brood mares,(I know, but I am making a point) doesn't give them the right to diminish your life's choices or fuck with your JOB! HR had NO CAUSE to ask any questions about it as it wasn't working related. It's a shame that people who are not happy with their own life because of poor choices, have to shit on someone else's, because they have to work harder with each poor choice they make. I'm child free, but NOT BY CHOICE, so I know what I am saying, and honestly if I had been blessed with a child I would have stopped at one because having children just to say look how many I have, is usually when people use them for sympathy and a reason to not take care of business. The "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS" line is a lot of BS.

The next day, I froze when HR called me and said they had to speak to me regarding an “urgent matter”. Someone had filed a complaint saying I was making “anti-family comments,” “discouraging motherhood,” and “creating a hostile environment for parents.” WOW. Say what now?

All because I said I don’t want kids.

They asked me to send a written statement explaining what I said and why I said it. They also told me to be “more mindful” about personal opinions because they could “affect team morale.” I felt like I was in trouble for simply existing.

Since then, the vibe at work has been completely off. Some coworkers who used to chat with me regularly just give quick nods now. Others whisper when I walk by. One even half-joked, “Careful, HR’s watching you,” like I’m some kind of office rebel.

It’s honestly unsettling. I didn’t insult anyone. I didn’t tell anyone not to have kids. I just said I personally don’t want to be a mom.

It was a personal opinion, not a speech for others to follow. It blows my mind that saying “I don’t want kids” is seen as inappropriate in this day and age, while talking excessively about kids and being pregnant is totally fine.

I’m torn between just keeping quiet forever and standing up for myself. I don’t want to risk my job, but it also feels wrong to pretend to be someone I’m not just to avoid drama. What should I do? Please help.

Recently, a father wrote to us sharing how he cut his only daughter out of his will for not having any kids. Read his letter here: I Refuse to Give My Childfree Daughter My Inheritance

Comments

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K Fitz

3 weeks ago

In my state, this would fall under the sexual harassment in the workplace laws. My default setting isn't to file a law suit, but I would get legal counsel on my rights should this escalate. If the complaint ended up in OP's employee file, I'd definitely make moves to get it expunged, as well. If OP is in a union, I'd get my rep involved and grieve the complaint. After all of that was done, I'd stay around until HR got the message that they should not be entertaining ridiculous complaints. After that, it's job searching time.

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You can tell I have zero patience for this type of thing. 😂

Jessica Simon

3 weeks ago

Complain to HR about your coworkers about pushing their excitement about their kids on you. You are offended.

Sharon Eastman

3 weeks ago

Actually, in your place I would consult a lawyer. Here's why, depending on where you live that comes under the heading of discrimination. The person who filed that complaint needs to be given counseling on their inappropriate actions. The mommy click needs training on hostile work environments. Trying to get you in trouble for not wanting children? Ludicrous.

Mickael Branham

3 weeks ago

If issues persist, file a grievance for hostile workplace. Shame on all of the idiots who actually took a part in this drama. From the whiners who filed to the HR rep(s) who had the audacity to follow through with such ignorance.

Beth Paul Jarzombek

3 weeks ago

I think it's better that you realized you don't need to check off a box to be happy. And working mothers can be stretched way too thin, for both their family and themselves.