I Told My Wife That I Don’t Want to Raise Our Baby the Same Way Her Parents Raised Her

When it goes about our kids’ upbringing, it’s normal to have a wish to give them the best we can as parents and to raise them in a healthy environment. Our today’s hero is a future dad, who’s already thinking about the things he’ll definitely never want his kid to experience in their life. And one of these things is being raised like his wife. The man took to Reddit to tell about his major confrontation with his wife about it, and people expressed a variety of opinions about this dilemma.

A man has taken to Reddit and poured his heart out, telling about his family conflict.

A desperate man has recently come to one of the Reddit communities to share his thoughts on raising his future child. The dad-to-be has one very big concern about creating a good atmosphere for his kid to grow and learn. But the obstacle for this, in his opinion, is his wife’s background.

The man began his post, saying, «My wife is 3 months pregnant. We are both excited and have been planning several things for the baby. We discuss everything, what parenting method we will use, the name if it is a boy or a girl, our expectations of being parents, etc.»

The man then points out that his wife was being raised in a way he’d never wish his kid to repeat.

He said, «My wife was raised and educated in a very peculiar way. She did not grow up in a toxic and offensive environment, but from my perspective, she did grow up emotionally and mentally unstable. My wife’s family is very „mocking and joking.“ I mean, they like to call people nicknames and make fun of people for how they are, look, say or do.»

The man’s wife didn’t get a healthy start of her life in her childhood.

The man goes on with his story, saying, «I have never met a person as intelligent and creative as my father-in-law. He comes up with nicknames in three seconds. He’s even written songs for my wife with those nicknames just by hearing a melody!»

But this talent got a darker side. The man revealed, «My wife when she was little was apparently a victim of teasing at her school, but she never cared, she thought that „the girls were laughing with her and not at her.“ This is because her parents gave her nicknames since she was little. Of course, they called her „princess“ and all those things you say to a girl. But my in-laws called her nicknames too like „Lousy, filthy, fat, Chewbacca“ they also called her „hairy“ like the villain of the Powerpuff Girls since my wife grows a lot of body hair.»

The man added, «Also, my wife told me, as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, she does not believe that those girls teased her since for her, giving nicknames is normal. Now, once a girl physically attacked my wife, my wife just said a few words to her, and it made her cry.»

The spouses now have a major argument about the upbringing issue.

The man continues his story, saying, «There are hundreds of other nicknames that my wife and her siblings grew up with, these are just a few examples. I feel that, these types of nicknames really affected my wife’s self-esteem. She is a reserved, shy and introverted person. If she doesn’t trust you, she even stutters when she talks to new people.»

The man tried hard to make it clear to his wife in the mildest way possible.

He said, «I expressed my concern about this to my wife, I told her to please tell my in-laws that I did not want this type of behavior with our baby or else I would not let my in-laws see the baby. My in-laws are desperate for a grandchild, my wife’s brothers are in their 40s and none of them are married, without a partner, in no mood to use a relationship, and they still live with my in-laws.»

But his wife suddenly confronted him. He explained, «My wife told me that I was totally wrong for saying that, and that her upbringing was pretty good, that thanks to that she doesn’t believe in nonsense about teasing and that kind of thing. I told her that I will continue in my position and that if her parents give the baby just one nickname, they will not see their grandkid.»

People of Reddit were very vigorous in the comments.

One person shared their opinion, saying, «Actual nicknames can be really sweet/cute (as babies, my nieces were called ’chunky tater’ and ’baby bean’). Lousy? Filthy??? Those are not nicknames. My sibling and I grew up in a toxic situation.
We received a lot of „nicknames“. To the point that my friend group (who in good nature roast each other, even have a 23rd birthday roast when someone turns 23). Have deemed me unroastable as they couldn’t come up with anything worse than what my mother/mother’s bf/uncle/cousins did.
Don’t let them do this, it’ll affect your child long term, and they’ll have a hard time with others and themselves. It’s not good your wife’s justification boils down to ’Oh, they didn’t hurt my feelings, cause what my family said was way worse!’»

Another user added, «Remind her of that day and ask her if she wants that precious baby she is carrying right now to feel this same way because its grandparents enjoy the sensation of power while emotionally and verbally hurting her mother and itself?»

And the third one added, «That is exactly how my uncle is. Kinda feels like your wife may be in denial that the nicknames were that bad (which is understandable to a degree. No one wants to admit their parents were terrible to them).
If possible, when you both are feeling calm and mentally well (pregnancy is stressful! I’m around 14 weeks myself) I’d have a sit down talk and express that: You love her and your child. You’ve seen how she’s affected by it.
Explain that you don’t want her to be hurting like she was hurt, and you especially don’t want your little one to be hurt the same way. Make sure your tone and expression is showing love and support.
She may already be feeling attacked (feelings can be irrational, plus pregnancy hormones). If she feels that she is unable to draw those boundaries with her family herself, but wants the lines drawn, you can always offer to stand in for her.
My husband and I both have done this with each other’s families. As my husband says, ’I don’t mind being the villain.’»

And here’s a story of a pregnant woman, whose yet unborn baby has already become a subject of quarrel in her family.