My Husband Kept Pushing Me With His “Joke” Until I Turned the Tables

Pregnancy is supposed to be a joyous time. But there are some things about having kids that aren’t talked about openly. One of those things is how pregnancy can affect relationships. One of our readers reached out to talk about how her pregnancy affected both her and her husband.

This is Eva’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My husband and I have been married for 3 years and everything was going well until we tried for a child. After so many struggles and failed attempts, I’m finally pregnant with our first child. I have just passed the four-month mark and my stomach is very “noticeable.”

Yes, I have gained weight, but I wouldn’t say it’s a lot more than you’d expect at this stage of the pregnancy. But recently my husband has been making a very specific joke that’s started to get on my nerves, because it felt like he was blaming me.

He started by jokily saying, “You could hurt your belly if you aren’t careful about how you move it.” I smiled back at first, but it stung inside. It was like he was trying to tell me that I was getting too big.

And with everything else that had happened, I thought he was losing interest. I had no idea how wrong I was.

Last weekend, he made a joke for the third time, saying, “Are you sure it’s not twins?” My blood boiled, and I shot back with, “Keep it up, and I’ll start asking if your jokes are just a cover for your insecurity.”

His grin instantly disappeared, and for the first time it felt like he realized how much he had hurt me. But then things took a turn I didn’t expect. He sat me down and told me that there are generations of twins in his family. And since I’m a little bigger, he really thinks that might be the case.

He said it as a “joke” because he didn’t want me to feel insecure, but he was hoping I’d have it checked. I was floored by the revelation. I never considered that it could actually be the case, or that he was trying to spare my feelings.

My husband hasn’t said anything about it since, but I went to the doctor yesterday, and he’s right, I am carrying twins. So Bright Side, what do I do now? How do I deal with this situation and fix things with my husband?

Regards,
Eva N.

Some advice from our editorial team.

Dear Eva,

Thanks for reaching out to us and sharing your story. We understand how difficult this situation must be for the both of you.

The best way forward here isn’t to focus on the jokes themselves, but on the gap in communication that created all this in the first place. Your husband wasn’t wrong to be concerned, but the way he chose to bring it up made you feel criticized at a time when you’re already physically and emotionally vulnerable.

The fact that he opened up once you reacted shows he wasn’t trying to belittle you, but rather didn’t know how to say what was on his mind without upsetting you. Now that you both know the truth, this is actually a great chance to reset.

Sit down with him and tell him that jokes about your body hit a sensitive spot, and that if he has real concerns, you’d rather hear them directly, even if they’re hard to talk about. At the same time, acknowledge that he was right to notice something important, and thank him for caring enough to bring it up.

Framing it this way turns the situation from hurt feelings into a shared lesson.

Eva finds herself in a difficult situation, but if she and her husband work on their communication, these types of problems will be easy to resolve. She isn’t the only one who faced issues with her husband while she was pregnant, though.

Another one of our readers reached out and shared what happened to her. Read the full story here: My Husband Thought I Was Asleep and Admitted Something That Broke Me.