My Husband’s Therapist Destroyed Our Marriage and Trust

Recently, we received an emotional story from one of our readers, who shared how her life turned upside down after her husband began visiting a therapist.

After a normal day, Emily’s life changed unexpectedly. Her husband, Mark, had been seeing a therapist for a few months, and she had encouraged him to seek help for his personal issues, believing it would improve their relationship.

As he spoke, Emily began to shift her focus away from Mark’s actions and toward the therapist. She felt anger rising as she thought about how the therapist’s advice might have influenced him.

As they continued to talk, Mark mentioned how he had been encouraged to prioritize his happiness and explore his identity. Emily felt that the therapist had no right to interfere in their marriage and wondered if she had manipulated his thoughts. She became convinced that the therapist was the reason for their unraveling.

Emily thought about how her life had changed. She felt a deep sense of loss, but she also knew she had to figure out her next steps. She began to consider how to reclaim her life and redefine her identity outside of her relationship with Mark.

What to do if one spouse wants a divorce.

To avoid divorce, you must show that you can change. Reflect on what led to this point: what has your spouse been complaining about? What have you not addressed? Identify the behaviors you’re willing to change to improve your marriage.

While it may feel unfair, if your spouse is at their limit, and you want to save the relationship, you may need to initiate real change. Here are steps to help repair the rift:

1. Act Confidently: Move forward with confidence, regardless of your spouse's decision.
2. Listen and Communicate: Allow your spouse to voice their concerns. Show that you want to save the marriage and listen actively.
3. Be Your Best Self: Stay positive and composed; avoid anger or revenge.
4. Show Respect: Treat your spouse with respect, and practice self-respect as well.
5. Avoid Arguments: Don’t engage in fights. If conflicts arise, suggest a civil conversation instead.
6. Seek Help: Consider reading self-help books or seeing a marriage counselor.
7. Give Space: Don’t pry into your spouse’s whereabouts. Allow them room to breathe.
8. Stay Active: Continue your daily life and activities. Spend time with friends and family, and pursue new hobbies.
9. Maintain Appearance: Take care of your hygiene and appearance to support your mental health.
10. Show Contentment: Let your spouse see you finding joy outside the relationship. Use therapy or counseling as a safe space to process your feelings.

What not to do if one spouse wants a divorce.

To save your marriage, avoid actions that can sabotage your efforts, especially when feeling hurt or hopeless. Here are key behaviors to steer clear of:

1. Acting Out: Engaging in bad habits, or flirting with others won’t help your situation.
2. Begging: Pressuring or pleading with your spouse can drive them away.
3. Buying Gifts: Trying to resolve issues with gifts won’t fix the underlying problems.
4. Gossiping: Involving friends or family can worsen the situation and upset your spouse.
5. Idealizing: Avoid only highlighting the positive aspects of your marriage or yourself.
6. Manipulating: Statements like “I love you” or suggesting books about relationships can seem pushy.
7. Nagging: Excessive calls or texts can come off as desperate.
8. Neediness: While it’s normal to feel sad, try not to act overly needy.
9. Reminiscing: Avoid bringing up past memories or looking at old photos together.
10. Spying: Checking your spouse’s messages or following them can damage trust.

Another reader recently sent us a letter detailing the ongoing drama surrounding her 6-year-old daughter, Lily, and her therapist. Have you ever tried therapy sessions, and what was their impact on you?