My MIL “Helped” Around the House, and Crossed an Unforgivable Line

Having an in-law who helps around the house isn’t always a bad thing. As long as there’s respect between you, it could be great. It can even lead to friendship.
But if your in-laws trample over your boundaries, it can lead to depression or worse. That’s exactly what happened to this reader.

Rebecca reached out to us.

Dear Bright Side,

Since my MIL retired, she has been helping us around the house. My husband thought it would be good for her to stay active and be close to the family. So we decided to let her come over every Sunday. At first, I was grateful for all the help. But I quickly realized that something wasn’t right.

Whenever she came over, it took me forever to find anything because she was rearranging my things. At first, it started off small. The salt and pepper shakers weren’t where I left them. It was nothing serious so I let it go. But the next time she came, the whole spice cabinet was rearranged.

I brought it up with my husband, but we didn’t want to cause a fuss so we kept quiet. Then she moved around the entire kitchen. This time I couldn’t keep quiet. I sat her down and politely asked her not to move things anymore.

The last straw came last weekend when she reorganized my bookshelf and threw away over thirty books. But these weren’t just any books. They were all first edition classics that I inherited from my mother when she passed away last year.

But it gets worse. This collection was started by my great-grandmother, and they were all signed by the original authors. The collection was priceless. When I got home and saw what she had done, my heart shattered.

I called my husband and told him about it so he confronted her and asked her where the books were. She showed him that they were in the dustbin with all kinds of food waste. Three of them had lasagna oozing through their pages.

My husband told her that she would never be welcome at our house again. She begged and pleaded, saying it was a simple misunderstanding, but I can’t forgive her for what she has done. I can never get those books fixed. She has thrown away my family’s legacy.

A few days later, we found out I was pregnant, and now my husband doesn’t know what to do. He wants his child to know their grandmother, but he also feels that she doesn’t deserve any sympathy after what she has done.

So Bright Side, should we let this go for the sake of our child? Or should we keep her out of our lives?

Regards,
Rebecca R

Thank you for reaching out to us, Rebecca, and we’re sorry for your loss. Losing a family heirloom like this is devastating, and we know that nothing can fill that gap that must’ve left. But we’ve put together a few tips that might help with your MIL.

Give her something to organize that isn’t yours.

She clearly can’t stop herself from “helping,” so instead of letting her near your kitchen or shelves, redirect that energy. Set up a little “grandma corner” at her house for baby stuff. That way, she feels useful without wrecking your things.

Lock down what’s left of your heirlooms.

The books are gone, but you can still protect what you have. Take photos, get an appraisal, and if you can, put the really important items somewhere safe, even a locked cabinet or a safe deposit box. That way, no one, including her, ever gets the chance to “accidentally tidy” them again.

Be specific about what she can and can’t do with the baby.

Don’t think of it as “all or nothing.” Instead, lay out exactly how she can be involved without crossing the line.

Maybe she can visit, but only hang out in the living room. Or she can babysit, but only at her place with her own stuff. Or if she wants to cook, it’s with the groceries you pick. That way, your husband still gets to include his mom, but your home and your things stay off-limits.

Rebecca is in a difficult position, and she has some tough choices to make. But she isn’t the only one who has caught her MIL doing something she’s not supposed to.

We have a story about a woman who caught her MIL going through her closet. This is what she has to say: I Caught My MIL in My Closet—And My Fiancé’s Response Hit Me Like a Brick.