I Don’t Want My MIL to Be in the Delivery Room

Mothers can often be over-protective of their children, no matter how old they are. And when it’s time for their little ones to become parents on their own, they simply find it difficult to “let it go.” One soon-to-be father experienced this first-hand, and we decided to share his story.

What happened...

“So...we (M 33, F 32) will soon become new parents with our first son. I can’t wait to be a dad. But, one thing that I am not okay with is that my mother-in-law is insisting on being in the delivery room and wants my wife to spend a couple of days at her home after the hospital stay.”

“We have a delivery plan, and that is for me to be in the delivery room with my wife. My mother-in-law states that, based on traditions, the mother of the pregnant lady should be first, then the husband. Because, according to her, mothers can make better decisions. The husband can’t make decisions when things matter.”

“The one thing that stuck out in the conversation was my MIL saying to me, ‘You should be okay for me to be in the labor room.’ The other thing is that she is insisting that my wife stay at her house after the baby is born so they (MIL and FIL) can take care of her. And our house is only 40 minutes away from theirs.”

“We stated a few times that they can come to our home and help out after our son is born. But her excuse is that she doesn’t know our kitchen, where the local pharmacy store or local market is. (My opinion is that my MIL is just lazy, and the change is not convenient for her/ them).”

“I am Japanese, and my wife is Indian, and we both understand traditions. But I’ve never heard of a mother-in-law who must be in the labor room. Personally, in this whole conversation, there is a lot of overstepping personal boundaries.”

“Just to be clear, my wife does not want her mother in the labor room either.”

What people who read the story had to say...

• “Traditions” like this are only valid if you decide to continue them. It’s not MIL’s child, so she doesn’t get to rule as she pleases. You and your wife decide who is present in the delivery room, everyone else can make a request, and may or may not be granted. HeirOfRavenclaw / Reddit
• A word of advice...don’t tell anyone until after the baby is born. Let you and your wife have this time (the delivery) to yourselves without having the drama of MIL having a fit outside the delivery room. Even better would be waiting until you are settled at home to make any birth announcements, but at least wait until after the delivery. ladyfeyrey / Reddit

• I’m Indian and this isn’t traditional, though most women do prefer to have their mothers and their husbands with them. Going home to the mother’s house is sort of a tradition, but that’s more of an optional thing to help the new mother and child out in the first few months after delivery. This happened for me and both my brothers, but again, I think this was what both of my parents wanted at the time, so you are not wrong for wanting something different as long as you and your wife are on the same page. R*mSoakedChap / Reddit
• Traditions mean absolutely nothing if that is not something you want and are comfortable with. Who gets to be in the delivery room is totally up to your wife. If she says no, it’s no. And I don’t blame you one bit. Your MIL sounds very pushy.
  It’s also completely normal that you would rather be in the comfort of your own home after birth. If it was really about wanting to help, they’d be happy to come to you. Fantastic-Focus-7056 / Reddit

• 1. The mom decides who is in the room during labor. Period.
  2. The husband has the right to make medical decisions if the wife, for some reason, can’t. Not the wife’s mom.
  3. The baby can only stay at a house with a safe sleeping space for the baby. Non-negotiable.
  However, having hands to just cook and do laundry and watch the baby while you sleep is valuable, so if the wife doesn’t want mom in the delivery room, but does want help, and their house has a safe crib or bassinet, offer to stay with them as a ’compromise’. Just note that they shouldn’t do a lot of the childcare part. Their job is to do everything else so you can do all the child care. swbarnes2 / Reddit
• Forget what your MIL wants. She is not going to be pushing a child out of her body!! What your wife wants is what your wife gets. catsndogspls / Reddit

In a union, respecting each other’s boundaries with in-laws is very important. One woman couldn’t take it anymore and even kicked her 72-year-old MIL out of the house.