Cooking for family can get tricky—between picky eaters and food sensitivities, it’s not always easy to please everyone. One of our readers found herself in hot water when her mother-in-law criticized her for not preparing meals. The tension boiled over, and now she’s hoping for guidance on how to handle the situation without creating more friction.
We appreciate you being honest and sharing your experience. Navigating a relationship with a difficult mother-in-law can feel emotionally draining, but that doesn’t mean things can’t improve. A little patience and empathy can go a long way, and we’re here to help you figure out the best steps forward.
The next time your MIL visits—or even before that—it’s important to establish clear boundaries about how your household works. Let her know she’s always welcome, but that decisions about your kitchen and food need to be mutual, not one-sided.
Make sure the conversation isn’t about “her being wrong,” but rather about respecting each other’s space and lifestyle choices. This shows you’re just asking for mutual respect, not trying to argue. Once boundaries are set clearly and early, it’s easier to prevent this kind of tension next time.
Try suggesting a meal plan that respects both her dietary needs and your preferences. For example, you could agree on certain shared meals being vegan during her stay, while keeping your regular food untouched for your own use.
Planning ahead like this keeps you both involved and helps avoid surprises. A little structure can take the emotional heat out of mealtimes. It also shows you’re willing to meet her halfway, which can soften her reactions.
Even if your husband doesn’t want to “take sides,” this is his home too, and his support matters. Try explaining that you’re not asking him to argue with his mom, but to help you create a united front when it comes to managing guests.
Let him know that silence can feel like indifference, especially when you’re trying to navigate a stressful situation alone. If he realizes how much this is affecting you, he might be more willing to help communicate shared boundaries with his mom.
When she says she’s “doing this for your health,” try not to dismiss her entirely, even if the way she delivered it was controlling. Acknowledge that you appreciate her concern, but remind her that health is personal, and everyone has different needs and choices.
Making her feel heard might help dial down the tension and make her more receptive to your boundaries. You can say that you’re open to trying some of her ideas, but that your lifestyle still needs to be respected. Framing it this way might help her see you as open-minded rather than resistant.
Disagreements over food can get even more sensitive when children are involved. One of our readers realized her daughter-in-law had placed her 6-year-old grandson on a strict vegan diet, and decided to take matters into her own hands. Concerned for the boy’s well-being, she came up with a secret plan.
The Husband has chosen a side when he said OP overreacted. The recommendation to create a shared cooking plan is pointless as the MIL already turned down reasonable adjustments and then made arbitrary and unreasonable changes to OPs kitchen
