Navigating blended families isn’t always easy, and Carla is experiencing these challenges firsthand. She finds herself expected to care for her husband’s 3 kids for long hours each day while his ex-wife works extensively. Dissatisfied with this arrangement, Carla reached out to us for advice.
Girl you dodged a bullet!! Let him know YOU will be contacting an attorney about ALIMONY!! Watch how fast he changes his mind!! NOT your kids NOT your problem!! YOU are not a free babysitter!! That is HIS and the EX's problem to figure out NOT yours!!
Hi Carla! This is a delicate situation. We’ve prepared four distinct pieces of advice to consider.
She married into a family that was already into existence before she married in so he's a package deal. On top of that the kids aren't even adults yet and are in need of care while their parents work and guess what she's their stepmom now and is the only one that is not working so that makes her the designated one to take care of the kids while they're working. What did she think that him having to raise and take care of the kids is over now that she's married to him? No, it's only just begun. Him putting her stuff in boxes is letting her know that he's taking care of her too along with his kids and because she's a part of his family now she also has to take care of the kids too because she married into a package deal. If she didn't want that then she shouldn't have married a man with small kids because he's putting his kids first their safety and well being so she's just selfish or jealous maybe both. She's there at home all day which is their home too and she has to contribute in some kind of way and right now that would be taking care of the kids because that is what that whole family needs right now.
You’re one of those men that think women only exist for your gender’s benefit, aren’t you?!
I completely agree with you 💯%!! Great comment!!
I'm a single mom and NO way would I ask my ex's WIFE to babysit MY kids all day for free!! They are NOT her kids yes she knew he had kids beforehand BUT it is not HER responsibility to raise MY kids!! The audacity of some!!
Arrange a calm, private discussion with your husband to express your feelings and concerns. Emphasize that your request for payment was out of frustration and not a reflection of your feelings towards his children. Explain the physical and emotional toll of unexpectedly caring for three kids and suggest finding a balance or compromise, such as shared responsibilities or scheduled help.
Instead of demanding payment, propose a more structured childcare arrangement to your husband and his ex-wife. This could include setting specific times when you are responsible for the kids, and ensuring your husband is more involved during his off-hours. Additionally, discuss hiring a part-time nanny or enrolling the kids in after-school programs to alleviate some of the pressure on you.
Sounds like he married you just to take care of him and his kids.
Suggest attending family counseling together. A therapist can mediate the conversation and help all parties understand each other’s perspectives. This can foster better communication and empathy among you, your husband, and his ex-wife, and provide strategies for managing blended family dynamics more effectively.
Not to cause arguments or anything but as a single mom and Grandma myself this should have been approached in a whole different way. Yes you did marry a ready made family and should have treated it as such. Families get stressed out especially with 3 children but demanding payment was not the way to go about it there your kids too. Explain to your husband that you're stressed out and see if he and the ex and yourself can sit down like a family and find an alternative a couple days a week
Take time for self-care and establish clear personal boundaries. Discuss with your husband the importance of having personal time and space. This could involve scheduling regular breaks or activities that you enjoy, ensuring you have time to recharge. Encourage your husband to also step up in his parental role when he’s home, so you don’t feel overwhelmed and solely responsible for the kids.
Speaking of blended families, Kirsten also struggles with her ex-husband’s wife. When Kirsten requested that she not attend her son’s graduation, it sparked a shocking series of events that left this mother devastated. Read her story here.
You chose to marry him knowing that he has 3 children,those 3 are your steo children,if you think you shouldn't be looking after them then get a job if you think you're too lazy for that then..choose your battles
Then you don't love your husband.
I would gladly watch them and bake cookies for them, and take an interest in their lives because they are my husband's children and I love my husband.
Feminism has poisoned families.
