I Refuse to Care for My Husband’s 3 Kids — I’m Not a Free Babysitter

Managing merged families can be quite difficult, and Carla is facing these difficulties directly. She feels obligated to look after her partner’s three children for extended periods daily while his former spouse is engaged in demanding work. Unhappy with this situation, Carla sought our guidance.

Thank you for reaching out Carla!

This is a sensitive matter. We’ve put together four different suggestions for you to think about.

Foster open dialogue with your spouse.

Have a peaceful, private conversation with your husband to share your thoughts and worries. Make it clear that your request for compensation came from a place of frustration and doesn’t reflect your feelings towards his children.

Describe the physical and emotional strain of suddenly taking care of three kids, and propose finding a balance or compromise, like dividing responsibilities or arranging for scheduled assistance.

Suggest an organized childcare schedule.

Rather than asking for payment, suggest a more organized childcare plan to your husband and his ex-wife. This could involve establishing specific times when you are in charge of the kids and making sure your husband is more engaged during his free time.

Also, consider discussing the possibility of hiring a part-time nanny or enrolling the kids in after-school activities to reduce some of the burden on you.

Pursue family therapy.

Propose going to family counseling together. A therapist can facilitate the discussion and help everyone understand each other’s viewpoints.

This can enhance communication and empathy among you, your husband, and his ex-wife, and offer strategies for managing blended family dynamics more effectively.

Concentrate on self-care and personal limits.

Focus on self-care and define distinct personal limits. Discuss with your spouse the necessity of having individual time and space. This could mean arranging consistent breaks or hobbies that you enjoy, making sure you have moments to unwind.

Motivate your spouse to be more engaged in his parenting duties when he’s home, so you don’t feel overloaded and solely accountable for the children.

Regarding merged families, Kirsten also faces difficulties with her ex-spouse’s new wife. When Kirsten asked that she not come to her son’s graduation, it triggered a surprising chain of events that left her heartbroken. You can check her story here.