I Refuse to Choose Between My Mom and Dad—I’m Done Being a Victim of Their Divorce

Divorce has been a source of heartache for many families, approximately 670,000 in the U.S. alone. While the parents deal with the fights, children are often left feeling confused over which side to choose, especially Mark, who couldn’t decide who he should invite to his big graduation.

This is Mark’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My parents divorced when I was 4. In the years that followed, they both remarried and had their own kids. Both of their new spouses have always refused to let them attend the same event, so they’re never in the same place.

For any event, they’ve always alternated. But now I’m graduating, and I need both of them to be there for this big milestone. I begged both of them to show up, but they told me it’s not an option. I felt disappointed and decided to go to the graduation alone.

I never gave them an official date or time. They eventually found out after one of my stepsiblings found a picture of the party on IG and told my mom about it. They were upset that I let them miss it, but I told them, “What does it matter? One of you wouldn’t’ve shown up anyway.” Now, they’re being extra distant, and I’m heading off to college in a few weeks. I feel like I’ve ruined my relationship with them.

Mark H.

Your reaction came from a place of frustration.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Mark. No one should have to beg their parents to care enough to show up for their graduation. You deserve to have both of them attend and witness this huge milestone. Their refusal to come should’ve been reconsidered.

Your parents could’ve worked it out.

If your parents are only refusing to come because their new spouses are too jealous that both of them would be in the same place, then it’s unreasonable. They could easily invite their spouses as plus ones and show up all together without having to worry about anything. If they only talked like adults, they would’ve been able to find an easy compromise for just this day.

Try to reconcile things before college.

If you want to smooth things over before heading to college, you can say something along the lines of, “Hey, I know things have been tense since my graduation. I want you to know that I love you, and it hurts me that we’re not talking. My decision to go alone came from a place of deep hurt. I begged you both to be there for me, and when you said you couldn’t, I felt like my milestone wasn’t important enough for you to set aside your issues for just one day.”

A divorce doesn’t have to tear a family apart completely. Once parents understand that it’s necessary, they can take enough measures to ensure their children get enough attention from both parties. That said, divorce can come from many triggers. These people share their reasons why they decided to pull the plug.