I Refuse to Help My Coworker Who Treats My Kindness Like an Obligation

Our reader thought she was just being kind to her coworker: a small loan here, a last-minute shift there. But when she finally says “no,” the office chat turns into a public trial. You’ll see how favors can quietly become expectations, and how quickly “helpful” can turn into “used.”

Hello, Bright Side,

My coworker is a single mom. Last year, I lent her some money because her baby needed a few things. She still hasn’t paid me back. However, she keeps buying stuff for herself (like Uggs last month and concert tickets).

I’ve also covered a lot of her shifts whenever she asked. The reasons were always something like “I’m exhausted,” “babysitter issues,” or “I have to take the baby to the doctor.” Even when it felt unjustified, I did it because I felt bad for her situation.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked her to cover for me one time. She said she couldn’t. Then last night, she begged me to cover for her again. This time I said no.

The next morning, I opened the work chat, and my stomach dropped. She’d posted:

“I guess some people here don’t understand what it’s like being a single mom.” Then she listed a bunch of dates I’d supposedly “refused” to help her, including some that weren’t even true. People started replying with sad emojis and sympathy. I felt my face go hot.

I typed a long reply explaining: how much money I’d lent her, attached our repayment agreement, and pointed out she’d only paid back $100 total since then; how many shifts I’d covered for her, and that she wouldn’t cover for me the one time I asked.

Before it got worse, our supervisor jumped in and said something like: “Schedule coverage isn’t to be handled in group chat. If someone needs help, they should message me directly.” The chat story was cleared, and we haven’t talked since then.

Now she keeps telling people I’m cruel and that I’m basically “taking money from an innocent baby” by asking for repayment. The whole thing has gotten so uncomfortable that I’m genuinely thinking about changing jobs just to escape the drama.

Would I be wrong to leave over this, or am I overreacting?

Dolores

Dolores, you’re not writing from “I refused to help a mom in need,” you’re writing from “I’ve been drafted into an unpaid support role and then publicly shamed for finally resigning.” Those are different movies.

Let’s sort out what’s happening.

What you did vs. what you owe.

You lent money with an agreement. That makes this a loan, not a donation. The “single mom” label doesn’t turn debts into fairy dust. Borrowing comes with one universal fine print: you pay it back. If she wanted a gift, she needed to ask for a gift. She didn’t. She asked for a loan.

And the purchases? Buying Uggs and concert tickets while owing a coworker money doesn’t automatically make her immoral... but it does make her priorities loud. If someone is too broke to repay $20/week but not too broke for boots and Beyoncé, they’re telling you repayment isn’t urgent to them.

The shift-covering dynamic.

You covered her shifts repeatedly, even when it stretched you. She wouldn’t cover yours once. That’s one-way labor.

Also, exhaustion, babysitters, doctors—those can all be real. But even real needs don’t create infinite claims on one coworker. The fair move is to rotate support or ask the supervisor to redistribute. Not to keep pulling from the same bank account until it’s empty.

The group chat post: where she crossed a line.

Here’s the blunt part: she publicly guilt-tripped you and misrepresented events. That’s manipulative. Even if she’s overwhelmed, that behavior is wrong.

Your long reply? Maybe not ideal for peace, but it was reality-based. You matched public with public because she chose the venue. Your supervisor basically said, “This is not a telenovela, please take it offline,” which was the right managerial move.

And that “you’re taking money from a baby” line? Well, babies don’t sign loan agreements, adults do.

So, wanting to leave may sound like self-protection. Chronic workplace conflict can cause a lot of stress, sleep problems, and burnout. But before you throw in your resignation, consider this: If the workplace supports you, the supervisor handles it, and the culture isn’t feeding the drama, staying might be fine. But if leaving is what protects your peace—and the workplace isn’t stepping up to stop this—then that may be the right decision.

Bright Side

Up next, we’ve got another workplace headache. One reader is tired of being treated like the office assistant just because she’s a woman—taking notes, booking meetings, doing “little tasks” that somehow never land on her male coworkers’ desks. She finally draws a line, and the reaction isn’t exactly polite: I Refuse to Do a Secretary’s Job for Free Just Because I’m a Woman.