I Refuse to Invite My MIL to Our Thanksgiving Dinner Unless She Pays for It

Thanksgiving is supposed to be a warm family holiday, I know. But this year it feels like a burden I don’t want to deal with. Family should always be welcomed, but what do you do when someone starts taking advantage of you and calls it love?

I used to think saying yes to everything made me a good daughter-in-law. Now I feel like things have spiraled too much, to the point where my MIL doesn’t respect my boundaries.

Hi, thanks for reading my story! I really need an outsider perspective:

My MIL helped us through our worst days, and I really am grateful. When my husband lost his job years ago, she helped with groceries and watched our kids for free. She even helped out with our rent for a long time. I never forgot that.

But after my FIL passed away, everything changed. She’s coming over all the time. She calls constantly. She expected favors like we owe her.

At first, I thought she was lonely, then it turned into her relying on us too much. I tried to be patient, but it got overwhelming fast.

She has been talking about Thanksgiving for weeks, I haven’t even asked her to come! She kept saying how excited she was and how it will feel like a real family gathering again. And look, I get it. Holidays are emotional.

But I NEED a break. Hosting is expensive and exhausting. The turkey alone is pricey, plus all the groceries, plus the cleaning, plus prepping the house...it’s all too much. If my MIL doesn’t come, we can just have a relaxing, normal, family day without judgments.

So I finally told her, “It’s $38 per plate.”

I said it as calmly and as respectfully as I could. I thought it was fair. If she wants to come over for a full holiday dinner family experience, she should pitch in like everyone else. It felt like a normal boundary to me. But oh well. She turned such a simple thing into a full-blown drama.

She looked hurt and started crying. Not little tears, full crying. I froze when she pulled out a $50 bill, put it on my table, and walked out without saying a single word. I tried calling her, but she ignored me.

I feel bad, but I also feel like she’s trying to manipulate me. $38 is a reasonable amount, Thanksgiving prep is not cheap. Leaving money the way she did is such a childish tantrum.

Later that night, she finally took my husband’s call and told him I humiliated her. She said she wanted to be alone for a while because she feels unwanted.

Now my husband is furious. He said he is going to spend Thanksgiving with his mom, which means he is leaving me and the kids at home. He thinks charging her was cruel and disrespectful. He isn’t even listening to why I did it.

I can’t help but feel like she is turning this into something bigger to make me look like the bad guy...should I be the bigger person, go to her house and invite her over for Thanksgiving still? Technically, she already paid for it...

Sometimes, being kind might be hard, but it could lead to beautiful things. Read next: 10 Stories That Prove Kindness Always Wins Over Hate