I Refuse to Let My MIL Dictate How We Raise Our Child

When our reader gave birth, she thought the hardest part would be the sleepless nights. Instead, it was her MIL criticizing her over and over again. The last straw was when her MIL blurted out, “That’s not a father’s job.” Check out the story and choose your side.

Hello, Bright Side,

So, I just gave birth, and honestly, I’m exhausted and struggling. My husband is amazing—he’s been doing everything he can to help. But then there’s my MIL.

From the moment we got home, she started giving me unsolicited advice. She would watch my husband help and give him these disapproving looks. A few days ago, my husband was changing the diaper as usual when suddenly my MIL rushed towards my husband and said, “Men shouldn’t be changing diapers. That’s a mother’s job.”

I was taken aback. My husband looked at me, clearly uncomfortable, and stayed silent for a while. I could see he was trying to stay calm. Then he turned around and said, “Mom, it’s my responsibility too.”

But she didn’t back down. “No, no, no,” she insisted. “You’re the father. It’s not your place. Your wife is the one who should handle this. You’re supposed to be the provider, not doing the dirty work.”

I was shocked. My MIL was criticizing my husband for supporting me in taking care of our child. She kept saying, “That’s not how it’s supposed to be. Women are meant to take care of their children, especially the diapers.”

The worst part was that my husband didn’t know how to react. He told me later that he felt torn, wanting to respect his mother but also wanting to help me. I didn’t know what to do—I wasn’t asking for my MIL’s approval, but it hurt that she was trying to create a divide between my husband and me.

I’m questioning whether I’m overreacting, or if her opinions are just too toxic to ignore. Is this really her place to say, or am I the one being unreasonable?

Melissa F.

Hi Melissa,

You’re NOT overreacting. It’s very easy to blame yourself, but here are the facts: You just had a baby. You’re sleep-deprived, healing, and figuring things out. The last thing you need is someone making you question what’s working for your family.
Your MIL’s comments are not only outdated, but they’re also unfair to both you and your husband. You’re doing what modern couples today aim for: sharing the load, especially when it comes to caring for a newborn.

We’re glad to hear that your husband helps you a lot. In today’s world, some families continue living with the idea that your MIL promotes. The man is a provider, and the rest is on the woman. But the truth is that you’re partners, and you’re family, and you need to be there for each other.
Your husband stood up for you both, even if it was hard. But it’s also clear that he’s conflicted. That’s normal; she’s his mom. He’s navigating a tough spot between being a son and being a partner. It might take time for him to fully adjust to pushing back when needed.

Now, about your MIL. It’s okay to feel hurt by what she said. Her views are hers, but they don’t get to define your household. If you start doubting yourself because of her, things will only get harder. You know what works for your family. Stick to that. You don’t have to justify it to anyone.
When she’s around, try to have her focus on something that doesn’t involve parenting decisions. Maybe there’s a small task she can do that helps you but doesn’t invite her opinion on how things should be done.

Don’t let her drive a wedge between you and your husband. Keep checking in with him. Not with big talks all the time, but little things.
A short text. A “Thank You”. A quiet moment after a long day. That kind of steady connection is your strength right now.

Take care,
Bright Side

But that’s not the only story where our readers face unexpected pressure at home. Another parent just wanted to spend a cool day with his daughter, but it turned into an unexpected ultimatum. Read his story next: I Chose My Daughter Over Babysitting My Stepson—The Consequences Shattered My Family.