Being a parent doesn’t end when your child becomes an adult — but what happens when their needs collide with your own future? One reader shared how refusing to give up a hard-earned career to care for a sick adult child set off a storm of judgment.
Hi Bright Side!
My son is 23 and has a chronic illness that flares up unpredictably. He can’t always work full-time, and I’ve supported him financially for years — rent, medical bills, even college. I love him, but I’ve also worked my entire life to build a career I’m proud of.
Recently, he and some relatives started pressuring me to quit my job and become his full-time caregiver. They say, “family comes first.” But I’m a single mom who finally got promoted after years of struggling. If I step back now, I’ll lose everything I’ve worked for.
I told him I’ll keep helping with money where I can, and I’ll pay for in-home care if needed, but I won’t give up my career. He cried and said I care more about money than him. My family piled on, calling me selfish.
Then one day, I got a letter in the mail. My son had actually filed paperwork with the court to request financial support and formal caregiving from me. He never even told me — I just opened the envelope and saw my name listed as the “responsible party.”
I felt blindsided. Instead of talking to me, he went behind my back to make it legal. Now I’m stuck between fighting my own child in court or giving up the life I built.
He has no qualms about fighting YOU in court, and ignoring all you’ve already done. Gloves are off. People who are ill don’t get a free pass to illicit life long sympathy at others expense. They can be just as manipulative. This is heinous treatment and you should seek legal advice.
If you gave up your job there would be no money to help in all the ways you are doing now. Why does he want you to stay home as well? If you go ahead and get him in home care he'd probably like that better than the embarrassing positions he may find himself in with a care giving mom. You should go ahead and make that move. Does he live with you now? I'm sure he'll have all he needs with in care and you home in the evening
He's manipulating you. Do what you need to do legally to protect yourself and let him get a caregiver on his own. Put on your own oxygen mask first.
Get a lawyer. And after you win? Not another dime.
Parenting doesn’t magically end when your kids grow up. For many parents, the hardest challenge begins when an adult child leans on you too much — for money, time, or attention. The good news? The solution isn’t cutting them off completely, but learning how to set healthy, loving boundaries.
Why Parents Struggle With Boundaries
Left unchecked, these patterns keep reinforcing themselves — the more you give, the more dependent your child becomes.
Get a lawyer and fight this. He's an adult and can figure this out for himself. Seems to me that if he's an adult he doesn't have a leg to stand on. As for the rest of the family tell them to step up if they feel so strongly about it.
Experts emphasize the difference:
Barriers push people away.
Boundaries protect your time and energy while keeping the relationship loving.
For example, instead of ignoring calls or always saying “yes,” you can offer clear limits with compassion:
“I’m busy right now, but I’ll call you back at 6pm.”
“I can talk for 20 minutes before I head out.”
“I know you can handle this — I believe in you. Let’s catch up tomorrow morning.”
Key Takeaway: Feeling guilty or selfish for setting boundaries is common — but misplaced. Boundaries are not rejection. They’re an act of love that respects both your needs and your child’s growth.
When you stop people-pleasing and start communicating limits with kindness, you protect your energy, strengthen your bond, and give your adult child the chance to stand on their own two feet.
Boundaries aren’t walls — they’re bridges to healthier, more respectful relationships with your adult children.
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