I Wasn’t Comfortable Hugging My Child Until This Moment Changed Everything

A hug can be easy for many people, but for others, it feels odd or awkward. In most cases, the reason could be growing up without physical affection. Some parents aren’t always keen on giving hugs and kisses to their children. That’s the case for this parent. And this is how it affected his son.

I didn’t grow up getting a lot of hugs.

This dad says, “My son is six. He’s bright, energetic, and the kind of kid who runs into every room like it’s a party. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anything. But I’ve never been good at physical affection. Growing up, we weren’t a hugging family. A handshake was a big deal.

One evening, he came to me after a rough day at school, tearing up and said, ‘Dad... can I get a hug?’ I smiled, ruffled his hair, and told him to ‘shake it off like a champ.’ He smiled too, but it didn’t reach his eyes. I didn’t think much of it—until later that night.”

He wrote, “Dad doesn’t do hugs.”

He continues, “As I was cleaning up his room, I found his drawing on the floor. It was stick figures, me and him, but I had a big red X over my chest. The words next to it? ‘Dad doesn’t do hugs.’

It wasn’t angry. It wasn’t dramatic. It was just honest. That image stayed with me for days. Not because I’d hurt him intentionally, but because he had no idea why I hesitated. He just saw distance.

A week later, I sat him down and told him the truth: that sometimes I get nervous with hugs, but I’m trying. That I never want him to feel like he has to earn my love, it’s just there, always. Then I opened my arms. He didn’t even hesitate.”

Thank you for your letter! Below are 3 pieces of advice we’ve collected for you.

Try to be honest with your son.

It’s okay to be vulnerable with your children. You did the brave thing by telling your son the truth. He needed to know that he wasn’t the issue, because kids may sometimes find the fault within themselves. Our children need to know that we’re not perfect.

Practice affection.

Always work on yourself. Even though you grew up without affection, that doesn’t mean your son should too.

You can start small with a hand on the shoulder. A quick side hug. Over time, what once felt foreign becomes second nature.

Learn your son’s cues.

In some cases, your child will not directly ask for a hug. You’ll need to understand his needs through his actions. For instance, they might linger near you, hand you a toy, or lean in. Responding with a hug will reaffirm your love for them and let them know that they are deeply cherished.

Every parent loves their child differently. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it. The important takeaway is that your son or daughter needs to feel and know that you love them so they build healthy relationships in their future. After all, a parent’s love is unstoppable, as per these stories.