I Refused to Give Up My Holiday Leave to a Coworker With Kids—Just Because I’m Child-Free

People
3 weeks ago
I Refused to Give Up My Holiday Leave to a Coworker With Kids—Just Because I’m Child-Free

The holiday season is meant to bring joy, togetherness, and a well-deserved break, but sometimes, workplace dynamics can make it complicated. Many employees find themselves facing tough choices when personal time off clashes with others’ plans or company expectations. Recently, one reader shared her experience with Bright Side about what happened when her Christmas vacation approval turned into an unexpected moral dilemma.

Here’s Marta’s letter:

Hi Bright Side,

I booked 2 weeks off for Christmas — officially approved since May. Last week, a coworker found a “dream holiday deal,” but her dates overlapped with mine. She turned to me and said, “Why take time off? You don’t have kids! Christmas is for families!” I declined her request as politely as I could.

The next morning, HR asked to see me. As I stepped inside, the lights went off. Then I froze, when suddenly, they lit one of those “holiday spirit” candles.

One of them clasped my hand warmly and said, “You understand how important Christmas is for parents, don’t you?” The other slid an envelope toward me. “A little token for your holiday spirit,” they said. Inside was a $100 gift card — a “gesture of appreciation” for giving up my Christmas leave.

When they noticed my hesitation, they pushed a printout across the table. The heading read: “Family-First Initiative.” Apparently, the company’s launching a new program where employees without dependents are “encouraged to support colleagues who contribute to the next generation.”

Now I’m torn: Do I give up my hard-earned holiday to keep the peace, or stand my ground and risk being branded “not a team player”... maybe even risk my career?

— Marta

This is definition of discrimination. I'd say you have a civil rights case that would win in any courtroom

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Absolutely not. I'll be first to tell you life isn't fair with three examples why but this is WRONG. You not having children, for whatever reason, does not make it your responsibility to give up your personal time so a person with kids can be with their children. I don't have children but I know Christmas is December 25 every of my life. If a parent doesn't plan this "special holiday" for their own family then they may not be the holier than thou parent they claim to be.

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Christmas was a Christian Holiday until it became a bonanza for shopkeepers.
Leaving that aside. No-one should be expected to give up their Christmas day unless it is in their contract of employment.
Why doesn't the employer give everyone Christmas Day off?

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If you're time off has been planned from that long ago there is not a chance ld give it up. It's not your responsibility to give up your time off just because she has kids and you don't. It would be one thing if it was a last minute request but she knew about this for months and you deserve your time off just as much as she does. That's not fair to you or the others that are expecting you to have your time off like you planned. Go enjoy your time off and tell her your sorry but this
time off has been planned for months and you are NOT changing it. End of story.

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Do not give up your vacation. Unless she had a hidden pregnancy and just surprisingly had a baby, she has known all year she has kids and could have asked for time off. Tell the company if they're so family first, they should give everyone time off. And remind them it's discrimination to treat child-free people differently. Also, child-free does not mean family free.

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Don't give a flip. You legit asked for this time. So no kids you wanna do what you want you want not what brats want you to do. Take your leave. F em

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So back at my first REAL job I would work the 7-3 or 6-2 shift on Thanksgiving and Christmas so that the FT people who had kids could have that time off. But as I got older and still before kids where I worked we rotated holidays so again no biggie.
But as jobs changed and I got older and I worked places that were not open on holidays I saw to many people with kids expect those w/o to swap days that the childless person already had off basically b/c of poor planning.
CRAZY!!!
It was one thing I promised myself I'd never do when I had a kid.

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Your vacation was approved .months ago. Enjoy! Your co worker is not entitled to your days. Enjoy your vacation

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You know what to do within. Listen to your heart. Let know one take away your self worth.

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If OP can afford to, they should look for another job and resign. Make sure OP has everything documented and get a lawyer and sue.

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I've served 11yr11mos military 9of them as sgt. Holiday are tuff I've helped on holiday just out helping the family closeness not because I'm single .

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Absolutely not! I am a parent of 2 and I confidently say that this is beyond bullshit. Kids or no kids is irrelevant. Planning is key when taking a vacation. You did your due diligence and they did not. That is not your fault. Supporting any colleagues definitely does not include you having to make personal sacrifices just to benefit them.

I'd tell HR that you are taking your vacation as you planned and if there is any other forceful discussions, comments or bribes about it then you'll speak to an employment lawyer and they will be hearing from them.

Bottom line is, the colleague asked and you said no. Anything further is unacceptable and can be considered as harassment, by both the company and individual.

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For me it wasn't about being me feeling entitled because I was a mom. I didn't have anyone to care for my child during school breaks. I never pushed it though. If I couldn't have the time off, I paid a daycare center. Now that my child is grown, I let other coworkers have the holidays off if they want to.

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Sue them for pushing their pedophiles ideology on you. Religious businesses are just a cover up for their sex trafficking ring of underage children.

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No. I worked a go ornament job for 10 yrs. I never got christmas or Thanksgiving because everyone who had and slightly higher in seniority would steal every holiday. I never got to spend holiday with my family. You earned and asked for that holiday off. They had plenty of time to ask for it off. Dont give it up. Now if they offer $500. I might consider it. But not having kids or family is not a good enough reason to ask you to give your time up.

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Christmas is harder for parents. schedules, childcare, travel, the whole circus. You giving up a couple of days you’ll probably spend Netflixing anyway isn’t the end of the world.
And honestly? HR didn’t threaten you. They bribed you. Take the money and the brownie points. Those “team player” vibes convert into better treatment long-term. Meanwhile, your coworker gets her “dream trip,” management sees you as cooperative, and you avoid the drama.
Is it fair? No.
Is it strategic? Absolutely!

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Approved PTO isn’t a charity pool, and child-free employees aren’t backup staff for parents. Their plans don’t become less valid just because someone else’s came in last minute. HR offering a gift card doesn’t magically make it fair or professional. Everyone deserves time off — not just people with kids.

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Absolutely not. I speak as a mother and grandmother and think that anyone child free deserves to have their vacation. Just because someone is child free, doesn’t mean they’re less than. Get over yourself.

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Absolutely not. Just because a person chooses to have children doesn't make it everybody else's problem. Why should they go out and have fun and just because you are a single person you have to sit at home and be at work all day. That's not the real world that's not how it works. The OP should absolutely not give up her vacation. And you are absolutely wrong for even suggestion it. You chose to lay down and have children That's a you problem. And it doesn't matter if she wants to sit in her chair drink Kool-Aid and watch Netflix the whole time That's her business.

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Tell them ALL to shove a reindeer antler up their asses. Since when does not kids equal no family. If you let them bulldoze you out of YOUR VACATION TIME, they will do it for EVERY PLAN YOU HAVE MADE, ANY TIME THEY WANT TO. It is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. I would contact a LABOR ATTORNEY on GP. They can't force you to change your life or lifestyle, just because someone else has curtain climbers. DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR TIME.

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Thank you, Marta, for sending us your story and opening up about this tricky workplace dilemma. Here are 4 pieces of advice that might help you — and anyone facing a similar situation — find the right balance between standing your ground and keeping the holiday spirit alive.

Stand Your Ground Gracefully.

You earned your time off fair and square, and you have every right to enjoy it. Politely but firmly remind HR that your vacation was approved months in advance and that you made personal plans around it.

Standing firm doesn’t mean being unkind, it means respecting your own boundaries. If you frame your response professionally, it’s unlikely to harm your reputation. Confidence and courtesy often speak louder than compliance.

Document Everything.

In situations where workplace pressure starts to blur into unfair treatment, documentation is your best defense. Keep written records of your approved leave, HR communications, and any related exchanges. If things escalate, this shows that you’ve acted responsibly and transparently.

It’s not about confrontation, it’s about protection. When emotions run high, facts and dates keep your case clear and credible.

Seek Support Without Creating Conflict.

So your family doesn't get to see you? Your parents don't count? I would've called my mom on the spot on speaker and let the hell fire begin.

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You don’t have to face this alone. Reach out to a trusted manager, mentor, or even HR representative outside the immediate circle handling this case. Explain your perspective calmly and highlight that fairness, not favoritism, should guide decisions.

This shows maturity and teamwork without surrendering your rights. Sometimes, involving the right person can turn a tense situation into a constructive one.

Reflect on What “Team Player” Really Means.

Being a team player doesn’t mean always saying yes, it means acting with integrity and fairness toward both yourself and others. Giving up your holiday out of guilt could set a harmful precedent for the future.

Real teamwork happens when everyone’s needs are respected equally, not just those with families. Remind yourself that your rest and well-being are just as valuable as anyone else’s. A healthy balance benefits both you and your workplace in the long run.

Even the most patient person reaches a point where the blurred boundaries between work and personal life become overwhelming.
I Refused to Cover for a ‘New Mom’ Coworker—HR Got Involved

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Isn't that discrimination against someone who doesn't have kids? I mean, u don't know ow WHY they don't have kids. Maybe they physically cant and u denying them hard earned vacation time is discriminating against something they may have no control over....I would say "sure let me check my calendar first" then snap a photo and go to a lawyer without signing or accepting anything.... like "hmmm...this doesn't seem right. Lemme check with my lawyer first". Watch how fast they change their tune.... in America that won't fly... cuz discrimination comes in many forms. They just made the office a toxic environment. Talk to a lawyer from the dept
of labor...

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Take your vacation stand your ground if you don't anyone with kids will walk all over you you deserve a vacation just as much as a person with kids

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Family is not just a person's own children. What about OP's parents. That's their child. Not to mention the OP's spouse or other "family members". Stand your ground.

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