I’m Not Giving Up My Vacation—Mom Card Doesn’t Work Here

A woman found herself in a tricky situation when a colleague, who’s a mother, requested to trade vacation days with her. The involvement of their boss only made things more tense. Was she out of line for refusing? Here’s what happened.

Dear Bright Side,

I submitted my vacation request 6 months ago for a specific week and planned everything in detail, flights booked, hotel reservations made, and activities lined up that I’d been excited about for a long time. The request was approved with no issues, and I had been counting down the days to a much-needed break.

Then, just last week, my teammate, Martha, found out her kids’ school break happens to fall during the same week. She came over, smiling at first, and asked if I’d be willing to swap vacation weeks so she could travel with her children. I politely explained that I had already made non-refundable bookings and plans I couldn’t change.

Her attitude changed immediately, and she said, “Really? You can’t adjust? It’s not like you have kids to think about. It’s just you.” That rubbed me the wrong way. I kept my response calm but firm, “Not having children doesn’t make my time any less valuable. Sorry, I need my vacation too,” she suddenly cried and left.

I felt bad about the way she reacted, but I also assumed that would be the end of it. But since then, she’s been cold, giving me the silent treatment, being short in conversation, and generally making her frustration obvious. And it didn’t stop with just us.

The next day, I got called into a surprise meeting with our boss. He told me that he “heard things” and said Martha was in a tough position and only wanted to do something nice for her kids. He implied I should’ve been more accommodating and understanding.

Honestly, I had to bite my tongue. It felt like my plans, money, and personal time didn’t matter simply because I don’t have children. I calmly responded, “I’m sorry, but I’ve already committed to plans I can’t cancel. My vacation matters, too.”

He seemed uncomfortable but didn’t press it further. Still, the whole thing left me feeling thrown off and uncertain.

Now I’m stuck wondering—did I actually do something wrong? Should I have given up my carefully planned vacation just because Martha has kids?

Jenny

Hi Jenny,

It’s completely fair to feel upset and blindsided by what happened. You took the proper steps to request your time off well in advance and made both financial and personal commitments based on that approval. You have every right to enjoy that break without feeling guilty.

When Martha approached you, she was essentially asking for a major favor, one that would mean undoing plans you’d carefully made. While it’s understandable that she wants to spend that time with her kids, that doesn’t make your plans any less important. The idea that your time matters less just because you don’t have children is an unfair and harmful assumption.

You responded calmly and respectfully, and, unfortunately, your boundaries were met with such negativity. The cold shoulder from Martha and the added pressure from your boss, though possibly well-intentioned, show a lack of empathy for your perspective and disregard the effort you put into planning your vacation.

Here’s what we’d suggest:

Stick to your boundaries, but keep it respectful. You’ve already explained your situation to Martha, and there’s no need to keep justifying it. You made plans, spent money, and got approval well in advance; that’s not something you should feel bad about. Don’t let guilt or pressure make you second-guess a completely reasonable decision.

Keep perspective. It’s easy to get caught up in how frustrating this is, especially with Martha being cold and your boss stepping in. But try to focus on the bigger picture: you’re entitled to your time off just as much as anyone else, whether you have kids or not. Your needs don’t come second just because you’re not a parent.

Consider following up with your boss. It sounds like he might not have fully seen things from your side. At some point, it could be helpful to have a calm, honest conversation with him. Let him know how the situation made you feel, and why it’s important that everyone’s time, parent or not, is treated with the same respect. That kind of clarity can prevent similar situations in the future.

Best,
Bright Side

In another story, there’s a family drama brewing after the son noticed they have been mocking his wife all this time. Find out what he did in this link.