My In-Laws Want Me to Pay for the Family Trip as If I’m Their Bank

In families, love often makes it hard to see where limits should be. We feel the urge to give, to agree, to step in. Yet at times, the kindest choice is to set a boundary, particularly when what’s at stake isn’t only money, but also peace of mind, personal space, and emotional health.

Recently, Sharon told us a story that illustrates this challenge vividly; a tale of tradition, unspoken resentment, and a costly trial of patience.

My family saves to afford two vacations a year.

Twice a year, my husband and I take our three children on trips. In the spring, we stick to destinations within the country, while summer is reserved for exploring other parts of the world.

These getaways mean everything to me. They’re our chance to recharge, a well-earned treat after a year of careful spending. We go all out, creating experiences our kids will carry with them for life.

The money comes from passive earnings through our family’s commercial real estate business, and I’m happy to cover the cost. To me, it’s an investment in deepening our connection as a family, just the five of us.

My BIL also wanted to be a part of our yearly vacation and my husband couldn’t say no.

After our summer trip last year, my BIL said his family would like to join our family vacation next year with their two kids. My husband couldn’t say no. He didn’t even take a second. But the thing is, I only found out a couple months later.

I despised the thought and felt completely exasperated. In truth, I was livid. My relationship with my brother-in-law is complicated. Let’s just say we’re far from friends...

My husband managed to talk me into it and ease the tension. We decided his brother’s family could come along on our trip—as long as they covered their own expenses. Other than a couple of dinners together, I wouldn’t have to spend much time with him. I went along with it, though I wasn’t exactly thrilled.

Life blindsided them, and the tide pulled me with it.

This year, my BIL’s wife’s job changed everything. She had been working remotely, but was urgently needed to return to the office. She chose to resign and quit her job to take care of the kids, and of course a decent severance package helped. She stopped looking for work to be with the kids, and that decision meant one thing: they could no longer afford the vacation next year. I thought they would cancel.

About two weeks ago, my father-in-law, my husband, and my brother-in-law spent the day together. My brother-in-law wouldn’t stop talking about how upset he was over missing the trip. True to form, my father-in-law stepped into his usual role as the orchestrator. He took my husband aside and said, “You could cover the cost for him. Why don’t you do it?”

It felt like I was being charged for my own misery.

Convinced, my husband of course offered to pay for their entire trip, selling it to me as a generous gesture. But I didn’t feel generosity at all. I just felt furious.

“You expect me to pay for the awful experience of going on this trip with your brother?” I said. “No way.” It wasn’t just about the money, though doubling the trip’s cost absolutely didn’t help.

It was about the agreement we had made. I had only agreed to him joining under specific terms, and those terms were no longer possible. So my answer had to change.

I tried to offer a compromise, but despite my efforts, I’ve ended up upsetting everyone.

I only felt bad for the kids. So I offered to let them come with us. I would be fine with it. They could stay with us.

But I’m not a bank. I can’t cover their parents, too—especially given how I feel about my brother-in-law.

My husband wants me to “take one for the team,” but this trip isn’t for that. It’s not a team activity—it’s our family’s personal recharge time.

Here’s how we see the situation:

Protecting your peace can be more generous than covering someone else’s expenses. If something meant to bring happiness starts causing resentment, it’s a sign a boundary was crossed. Remember these three tips in moments like that:

• Always protect your happiness. If something is meaningful to you — a tradition, a vacation, a peaceful moment — it’s perfectly fine to defend it.

• “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your boundaries—protecting your peace is reason enough.

• Compromise isn’t the same as giving in. Finding middle ground—like taking the kids but not the parents—can be a thoughtful solution, as long as it feels right for you.

Establishing boundaries is key in personal and professional life. However, it is not only family drama that can make life complicated. Often, drama in the work place can also be a challenge. Here are six effective strategies to protect yourself from workplace mobbing.