My Fiancé Wants to Cancel Our Wedding Because I Didn’t Choose Him First

2 months ago

Cases when a man or a woman calls off a wedding, are not that rare. Infidelity, lies, some accidents and other things may become the reasons for such actions. But not for our today’s heroine. Her fiancé didn’t actually have a lot of reasons to cancel their wedding, and even loved her. But the woman is now complaining that he made a painful decision to do so, and it all happened because of a trifle.

The woman’s heart is broken because of a very insignificant thing.

A woman, 28, wrote to our editorial to share her painful story and ask for some advice. Her name is Rita, and her fiancé’s name is Ryan. He’s 29, and she wrote that he’s an extremely hot-tempered man.

Rita mentioned that he’s never been aggressive with her and never even raised his voice while talking to her. But in the rest of the things he was very impatient, quick in making decisions and easily trusted people without even checking if they were lying or not.

Rita wrote that she and Ryan have been together for 7 years, and those were wonderful years full of a never-fading love and passion. Their feelings weren’t worn off by time, but were growing only stronger, and it was a normal thing that they finally decided to tie the knot.

Then, Rita wrote that a couple of days ago, her fiancé told her that he’s not sure whether he wants to be with her anymore. The woman adds, “I realize it may sound stupid, but I love him so much, it feels like my whole world is falling apart, and I simply don’t know what I can do.”

A mere accident has become the start of a big mess in woman’s life.

Rita continues her story, saying that she could never have thought that one trifle might have changed things for her and Ryan so rapidly.

She says, “This mess started some days ago when Ryan and I were celebrating our anniversary. We invited several of people and among them was one of my closest friends, Emily. She noticed that Ryan was really affectionate towards me and loved me to the moon and back. Then she made some really shallow comment about how she actually was the person who ‘told me so’. She meant she once said that Ryan would be a thousand times better for me than my ex Andrew. My fiancé was really confused and asked Emily what she meant.”

Then Rita explained that when she was in college, Andrew and Ryan both asked her out to the same event. Rita had known Ryan since high school, and they had always been attracted to each other, but weren’t really a couple. On top of that, Ryan went to another college that was a half hour drive away from Rita.

Andrew went to the same college with Rita, his dorm was a 10-minute walk away, and he was someone completely new. At some point, Rita began to feel like her relationship with Ryan wouldn’t be vivid enough because the two already knew almost everything about each other. Rita decided to go out with Andrew, despite Emily’s protests. She didn’t even have an idea that this decision would blow up her future so much.

The couple’s relationship cracked in a moment.

Rita wrote, “Ryan was very hurt that I said no to his request to go on a date. I didn’t want to make him feel even worse by telling him that I was going with someone else. Later, it became obvious that Andrew and I weren’t good for each other, so we stopped our relationship. When Ryan and I began dating again, I realized how much I loved him and that he was perfect for me. He was also overjoyed that we finally were together again.”

For the rest of the party, Rita could tell that Ryan’s mood was absolutely off. He was pulling away from her kisses and touches and responded to Rita with short answers. After the party, when Rita asked him what was wrong, he just replied that he felt sick. For the next couple of days, he was totally cold and distant. Rita had no idea what was happening, so she waited patiently for him to become comfortable enough to tell her.

In a couple of days, Ryan finally told her the reason he was so cold. To him, Emily’s story sounded like Rita had kept him as her backup in case her relationship with Andrew failed. Ryan was convinced that he deserved to be Rita’s first choice. Rita was sure that this was just an insecurity that they could get through together. But then he said that he’s not sure whether he can envisage their relationship in the same light anymore, so he suggested splitting up.

The woman is totally desperate and her feelings are deeply hurt.

Rita revealed that she pleaded with Ryan that they don’t need to take it that far. She insisted that they should go to counselling or just live separately for some time to be able to make the right decision. But the man absolutely refused to go to therapy.

The whole thing was weighing on him heavily because Rita knows from his mother that he’s got a severe insomnia now.

Rita wrote, “We used to have a beautiful relationship. Ryan has never been jealous or possessive. I don’t understand how our small paradise could come to an end because of a foolish mistake that I made many years ago. I don’t know for sure what kind of advice I want to get, but if you could advise at least something, please help.”

We’d advise Rita to let things rest a bit and not to be in a rush.

We’d advise Rita to let her beloved calm down a little. She should let him time for thinking it over and for maybe cooling down. She wrote that he’s quite hot-tempered, so his decisions may be very unpredictable and not very well grounded, sometimes even not very reasonable.

But if he’s such a loving man as Rita described, time may help him understand that a real love and a real devotion have nothing to do with the past. He may want to eventually let it go and forget about this unpleasant experience that he had to go through.

From Rita’s side, it was a mistake to keep it all a secret from Ryan, and we think that the woman should draw some kind of conclusion from this painful experience and try to approach Ryan from the point of his insecurities and worries. If he’s not jealous, just insecure about something, then it’s better to tell him about things that may provoke his negative reaction in the future. Hearing this story not from his beloved but from her friend might have been the most painful thing for Ryan in this situation, so Rita probably should watch out for this in the future.

And here’s an inspirational story about a woman who was left by her beloved right at the altar, but never lost her good humor and optimism.

Preview photo credit Nikolay Hristov / Unsplash

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