My Fiancé’s Mom Tried to Scare Me Off With a Humiliating Birthday Gift

Weddings are typically seen as happy occasions for women. But it’s no secret that conflicts, particularly with mothers-in-law, can pop up, putting a damper on the joy. Recently, a Reddit user turned to the online community for support and guidance while dealing with tension with her mother-in-law during this special time.

She wrote:

“This woman has left me speechless, I haven’t even shared this with my family or close friends yet. I’m completely taken aback. I stumbled upon this place through Google, and after reading through some posts and finding great advice, I realized I hadn’t seen a situation like mine. I haven’t discussed this with my fiancé either because he’s away for work.

This woman clearly doesn’t have warm feelings toward me, although she hasn’t outright said it. For instance, despite having a short three-letter name, she refers to me using the names of my fiancé’s exes, which are much longer. She kept doing this until he noticed and confronted her about it.

Her excuse She blames it on her age, claiming she’s forgetful. She’s only in her early 50s. She’s incredibly subtle and passive-aggressive, making it sometimes difficult for me to decipher her true intentions.”

“To give you some background, I come from a middle-class family, while my fiancé’s family is quite wealthy. So, during the surprise party my fiancé organized for me, his mom hinted that my gift would arrive later in the mail. To my shock, it turned out to be a prenup! No one in my family has ever dealt with such a thing before.

After looking into it and consulting with a coworker married to a lawyer, I learned that the prenup’s terms are pretty harsh. It includes clauses like waiving spousal support in case of divorce and even penalties for infidelity. One of the most bizarre parts is the requirement for me to spend time with my future in-laws.

My future mother-in-law is well aware that I’ve received the prenup, as she’s been bombarding me with calls since it arrived. I’m torn because while I’m okay with signing a prenup if my fiancé wants it, this one seems extreme. Plus, I doubt my fiancé even knows about it because he asked his mom what she got me, and she just grinned and said, ’You’ll see.’

A lawyer I spoke to described it as ’extremely unfair and dehumanizing.’ Is it normal for a future mother-in-law to push for something like this, or am I overreacting? Now, she’s pressuring me to sign it so we can move on with wedding plans.”

Fellow Redditors joined the conversation to lend their support and share their advice.

• DO NOT SIGN THIS. Show it to your future husband and discuss it with him. Present him with all her texts and tell him you won’t sign this offensive document. If he wants a prenup, then you can both negotiate one that is fair to both of you. Your FMIL is very out of line. © MapleTheUnicorn / Reddit

• This is not what rich people do. This is what ill-mannered do. From what you’ve said, it sounds like she plans to be awful, and the prenup allows her to be so and requires you to continue to be available to her. Obviously don’t sign.
  You are not overreacting. She is a horrible person. Talk to your fiancé, but it sounds like you may need an attorney. Also... Her sending it while he is out of town is likely on purpose.
  I’d text her back once and say, “I’ve sent this to my attorney for review. We should only communicate through attorneys for now.” Then mute her texts/calls. © swoosie75 / Reddit

• Your husband cannot allow her to be a third wheel in the marriage. If he doesn’t stand up to her and put you first, then you need to reconsider the relationship. This behavior is bad now, so think of how it will be when married, especially after children come into the picture. Establish boundaries first and hold them. As for you — decide for yourself what you can stand in your relationship with her, anywhere from cordial to totally no-communication. Sounds like she’s not going to be a friend. Her actions (not yours) dictate how you communicate with her in the future... Your health and peace of mind come first. © ElectricMan324 / Reddit

• I strongly urge you to examine how your fiancé responds to this situation. Take stock of how he has responded to all of the heartache his mother has put you through. How much disrespect has he let slide? Can you live the rest of your life dealing with this, and worse?
  If you aren’t happy with what you see, run. Because I promise you, it WILL get worse if your fiancé doesn’t get her in line or go full No Contact with her. This woman is unhinged. © scoobledooble314159 / Reddit

• A few years ago, I was pressured into signing something (I was very sick) that I was very unsure of. I regret signing it. Nothing bad has come of it, but I know it could, and I regret it every time it comes to mind. I can’t undo it. It’s stressing me out. Do not put yourself in the bad situation I have put myself in. Other people will have good advice for you surrounding this issue, but I wanted to chime in from someone who has already made the decision and regrets it. © DecadentLife / Reddit

• You shouldn’t even be speaking to your MIL at this point. Mute her notifications on your phone. Don’t accept her calls or answer her texts. Save any messages or voicemails as evidence of her harassment. How your future husband responds to his mother will tell you exactly what you need to know.
  If he makes excuses, asks you to sign it, or sticks up for his mother at all, then you have a huge problem. If he does want a prenup, then any discussion of a prenup needs to happen solely between you and him, and your own lawyers (not his mother’s lawyer). MIL should have absolutely zero input on a legal agreement between you and your fiancé. © SomeRavenAtMyWindow / Reddit

After the wedding, tensions between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can sometimes intensify. One of our readers shared how she faced emotional turmoil when her mother-in-law gave her an embarrassing gift at her baby shower, leading to the daughter-in-law asking her to leave.