My MIL Buys Gifts for Her Future Grandchildren That We May Not Have

Family & kids
month ago

When two people love each other, most of the time they decide on the happily ever after together. However, what many fail to realize is that most relationships and marriages endure challenges before reaching that fairy tale ending. When parents also have a say in the relationship, things can become even more complicated, as not everything is shared with them.

Some issues remain private between the partners. This newlywed couple struggles with infertility, but the MIL pursues them to give her a grandchild. Let’s check their story.

Here is what happened.

«My mother-in-law lives several hours from my husband and me. She refuses to visit, but always tries to keep her hand in our business. I am a very patient person and try my hardest not to hurt her feelings or make her feel left out. The last thing I would want to do is seem like a sort of roadblock in her relationship with her son (my husband.) However, she treats me horribly, is a toxic narcissist who is always throwing tantrums or crying to get her way, and generally speaking is just awful...

My husband and I haven’t even been married a year yet, but she is constantly in our business. She tried to force us into changing our wedding location, she often tried to push me out and make me feel unwelcome... I could give more specific examples but frankly, there are just too many.»

«Right now, though, she has started really pushing for us to give her her first grandchild. She constantly talks about it to my husband and makes comments to him. She refuses to talk about it with me because she thinks I’m a lesser human to my husband and doesn’t get a say on whether or not it happens.

My husband tried to shield me from the grandkids’ talks because he knows that upsets me. I have a family history of terrible complications with pregnancy, so my husband and I weren’t really planning on having kids. It’s not something we actively wanted, and the health issues are terrifying. Yet, MIL continues to push...»

«My husband went to visit her a week ago, and I did not attend. As I mentioned, she doesn’t treat me well so I try to avoid contact. My husband informed me that my MIL has started to purchase books and toys for these children she wants us to have... She is making a stockpile for them...

My husband hasn’t told her that we hadn’t planned on having children and is too scared to tell her because he knows it will be an emotional battle. I just don’t know if I should step in and explain the situation so she stops or if it will just make our relationship worse...»

«Also, my husband refuses to have any sort of conversation with her that is in disagreement with her POV. The few times he has, she has thrown in some sort of manipulation tactic and gotten her way. She also doesn’t have a lot of money, so I feel bad seeing her spend money that she could use on her health or her home on hypothetical children.»

The people on the internet decided to share their thoughts on the situation.

  • «Just tell her you can’t have children. She doesn’t need more information than that. She doesn’t need any reasons or stories. Just tell her you are not able to have them, and you would like to not be reminded.» AbbreviationsIll7094 / Reddit
  • «If my child didn’t want kids, I would find that hard bit but would have to lump it. We just have one child. I wanted more, but the economy is not going to abate, so alas, it’s not going to be.
    I like the idea of being a grandparent one day. My maternal grandmother died when I was young, and I loved my maternal grandad dearly and was devastated when he passed away. I was a teenager at the time.
    As a caveat, I would never stockpile items for hypothetical children. Children aren’t just playthings, and your MIL needs to realize that. We are talking about a human life here. You should only have kids if you really want them. I always wanted to be a mother, but it’s not for everyone, and it changes your way of life in ways that some might find unacceptable.» DramaMama90 / Reddit
  • «Just let her spend her money. Even if you tell her not to, she will continue to do as she wishes. Glad you live far away from her.» AtmosphereOk6072 / Reddit

Some people thought that she shouldn’t tell her MIL about the situation.

  • «She doesn’t need to know you guys don’t want kids, she will change her tactics to try and talk you into it. However, I would tell her, that every time she brings it up or buys another object for a non-existent baby, you will wait another year, and tell her those years will add up if she doesn’t stop.» bitysis / Reddit
  • «Every time I read „give her grandchildren“ I cringe. Is that what you are, a surrogate for your husband and his mother? Please reframe that in your mind and only ever say have children, get pregnant, etc. and correct anyone else who says „give her grandchildren“ including your husband or his mother.
    Also, please tell your husband that you don’t want to hear what his mother thinks. If he needs someone to talk to about her nonsense and how he feels after spending time with her, suggest he find a therapist because that relationship dynamic is beyond your pay grade. Seriously, refuse to talk about her with him and don’t see her anymore. Tell him repeatedly that he should have whatever relationship with his mother he wants, but you are opting out.
    Please do not feel bad that is choosing to spend money she doesn’t have on children that don’t exist in order to manipulate your husband and you. That’s on her entirely and not your fault or problem.» jenniw3g / Reddit
  • «Your medical information is none of her business. Don’t try to explain it to her, try to justify it, nothing. The husband needs to shut it down. You go on living your best life and if it’s stressing out hubby, then he can grow a spine, get some much-needed therapy, or continue to deal with the consequences of not doing either.» suziesunshine17 / Reddit

Some of them think that the problem is in the husband as well.

  • «You don’t have a MIL problem; you have a husband problem. It’s time for some boundaries. Set up exactly how many times you need to see your MIL a year for your husband to be ok with it. 2? 3? Make these meetings in public spaces and drive separately from your husband. The minute she is rude, ignores you or oversteps, get up say „It’s been lovely, but I have to be leaving“ and walk out. She doesn’t need a reason.
    Let your husband know that you don’t want to hear about his mom’s nonsense or any issues he has with her, and you don’t want him telling her anything about you other than „She’s doing great! Work is great, her family is great“ in the end. She’s a terrible person who doesn’t need your anger, but certainly doesn’t need your kindness. She just needs the „boring co-worker you don’t like“ treatment.
    Tolerate her on a couple of occasions a year and let your husband manage EVERY aspect of his relationship with her (gifts, cards, holidays, meetings). She’s his mom, he isn’t protecting you from her so do it yourself; make her a nonissue in your life and drop the rope with this woman and feel no guilt. She certainly doesn’t.» MurkyJournalist5825 / Reddit
  • «Your MIL is your husband’s problem to deal with. He’s a grown adult and afraid to speak honestly with her because she’ll throw a tantrum? That’s a relationship dynamic your husband needs to explore and conquer. An adult afraid of displeasing Mummy hints at enmeshment. Keeping the peace just allows the problem to continue and continue to grow.
    Choosing to not have children doesn’t require justification or any form of discussion outside of you and your partner. This doesn’t need to be explained, and she doesn’t need to be convinced. She’s made an enormous assumption and your husband is allowing this to continue.
    My and my husband’s families were provided with ZERO explanations on our CF choice. And let’s be honest: why is it ok with your husband that his mother treats his wife badly? He allows this to happen. Why are you ok with him not shutting this down?» ElizaJaneVegas / Reddit

What experts have to say about this major problem.

More than 80 million couples across the world are battling infertility, and for most of them, having children is really important. Life without being able to have kids on your own can be a serious problem.

According to specialists and studies, the problem of childlessness has strong psychological consequences on couples, especially for women. Some of the effects caused by this major problem can lower the women’s self-esteem, and there might be feelings of blame and guilt, so don’t be so hard on them. Show them respect and that they are loved.

Infertility isn’t an illness, but it can seriously impact people’s lives. Dealing with it and its treatment can lead to emotional struggles like feeling frustrated, hopeless, or feelings of worthlessness in life.

Some studies show that couples who can’t have kids find it hard to connect with friends who are parents. They might hear hurtful comments at parties or other social events. But it’s also important to remember that some friends are supportive. We shouldn’t exclude childless people from being part of raising children.

Building a good relationship with your mother-in-law can be tough, like trying to solve an impossible puzzle. It needs effort from both sides. But what if you were getting along great, and then everything went wrong? In this family that’s exactly what happened! Check their story.

Preview photo credit ThrowRA_OnMyMind / Reddit

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