I Am Postponing the Wedding Because My Fiancé Keeps Making Comments About My Scar

Did you know that approximately 100 million people worldwide have some sort of scarring on their bodies? Maybe they originate from surgery, serious accidents, or fire. Regardless of these scars' size, they are what make people look unique, and their partners usually don't even care about their existence. However, this woman's fiancé can't stop joking about her scar, making her feel very insecure.

This woman decided to postpone her wedding after her fiancé won’t stop making jokes about her scar.

I (female) have a visible scar on the side of my neck. It's been there for over 6 years and no one has ever commented on it or made any negative remarks about it. However, my fiancé would make comments about my scar and make it seem like he was flirting.

For instance, he complained that he had kissed every part of my body, except my neck because of the scar, and how the scar "looked like a kid messed up such a great art (referring to my look)." I told him I didn't appreciate that even if he was using the scar to be flirty with me, but he insisted he loved me anyway.

Our wedding is approaching, and I've been busy with the wedding planning. Days ago, my fiancé, me, and my in-laws were talking about the wedding and were talking about how we're going to finally be married. He laughed and said, "I'm marrying you minus the scar." I was stunned when he said that, especially in front of his family.

I was so upset, I got up and walked out of the room. We had a big fight, and he kept saying I was being a drama queen and that he said "nothing wrong." He doubled down when I said I'd consider postponing the wedding because of his comment, and he called me crazy. His mom said that I'm obviously "traumatized" by my scar to let it ruin my marriage with her son and suggested therapy.

She told me that the scar was the issue, not her son, who loves me as I am and chose me to be his wife. I don't know, I really feel horrible right now. I don't know if I said the right thing about postponing the wedding, and whether I'm overreacting in this situation. My girlfriends have previously said that my fiancé shouldn't even be bringing up the scar like that.

Redditors came to her defense.

• The fact that they're making it sound like he's doing you a FAVOR by marrying you even though you have a scar is the HUGEST red flag. Who comments on someone's scars like that? For THIS LONG?! @punkinbunz / Reddit
• That’s hurtful, disrespectful, and calling attention to something that is very much a part of you in a negative way. When you love someone, you do so not in spite of the things that make them unique, but BECAUSE of those things. I’d venture to say that scar has shaped how you feel about yourself, the world, relationships, etc., and contributed to the woman you are today. @AdExpensive1624 / Reddit
• He’s doing it to undermine your self-esteem and confidence. You do not see your scar as an issue or a reason to be insecure, he is trying to change that. Do. Not. Let. Him.
  Get far, far away from him and his mother. Your friends are spot on. Don't let him continue to disrespect you over and over again after you’ve already put your foot down. @CallistoFiore / Reddit
• My husband kisses my scars, and I kiss his. Scars tell a story, and typically one in which we survived something. They are something that makes us unique and shows how resilient we are.
  As a nurse, I see their beauty. I imagine you are even more beautiful because of them. @Poke-a-dotted / Reddit
• I’m a woman with a facial scar from surgery. It’s really hard to deal with, because it makes me look angry, even when I’m happy. When my husband was my fiancé, he once kissed the scar, and I gently asked him not to do it again because I appreciate that he accepts me for who I am, but I don’t like attention drawn to it, even loving attention. He has always respected that since. @RadioSupply / Reddit

What is negging, and is this woman a victim of this tactic?

Many people commented on the woman's Reddit post that what her fiancé does is called negging. It refers to someone deliberately making negative comments about someone else's appearance in an effort to make them feel bad about a certain feature. This form of belittlement is often quite hard to notice at first, especially when it comes from our loved ones who present it as humor.

But why would someone start negging their partner? The goal is basically to make someone feel insecure about something, so they give in to the other person's advances and wishes. While negging may be presented as "constructive feedback," it is nothing more than controlling behavior based on manipulation tactics.

How do scars affect people's lives?

• I've had partners who didn't care/weren't concerned about it, a partner who had his own scars and totally understood and have had people bail on me because they just plain didn't want to deal with dating someone with whatever mental/emotional issues come with it (which is fair). @Folk_Punk_S*** / Reddit
• It's much more embarrassing to go out with short sleeves, especially around extended family and when in a more professional environment they look quite obvious even though they are a few years old so it's still a source of insecurity. I also travel internationally a lot and have gotten some awkward comments at security and I definitely get flagged up/searched more because of them. @EducationalAd5712 / Reddit
• I’m a mom now, and it pains me when I volunteer at my kids' schools, and they are noticeable or when I take my kids to the pool. I can’t hide the ones on my thighs. @Icy_Juggernaut7562 / Reddit
• I have acne scars on both my cheeks. My right side is worse than the left. You can feel really awful, realizing how bad it is.
  For years, it used to really get to me. I feel a lot better about myself now though. I'm not going to let something that I simply can't control stop me from living life or at least trying. @turtlebagels / Reddit

Problems arise very often in a relationship. Sometimes it's small things that you figure out quickly, while other times it's more serious situations. For example, this couple had an awful honeymoon, with the husband wondering what he ever did wrong.