"Hi Bright Side,
I need to get this off my chest before I lose my mind.
I have two kids: a 3-year-old son, and a 5-year-old daughter. I love my son so much it hurts. He’s sweet, thoughtful, playful, emotionally intuitive. Being with him is like breathing fresh air. He’s my peace. Every moment with him feels effortless and full of joy, no matter what we’re doing.
My daughter, on the other hand, feels like a never-ending disaster. She’s demanding, defiant, constantly rude, always interrupting or causing drama. She never compromises, she manipulates, she screams, she tests every boundary like it’s a game. She just wants to have “fun” even if it’s at someone else’s expense or if no one else is having fun.
I’ve tried everything. Positive reinforcement, gentle parenting, firm parenting, sticker charts, consequences, therapy, you name it. Nothing sticks. Five years in, and I’m exhausted beyond words.
So I finally said it out loud. I told my husband I want to look into adoption. I said I can’t keep living like this. I want to focus on the child who brings joy to our lives, instead of drowning in a toxic dynamic that’s breaking me down.
He lost it. Called me a terrible mother. Said I was heartless. Threatened divorce and full custody.
But here’s the kicker: he doesn’t want to parent her, either. When she’s melting down or causing chaos, he vanishes. Leaves the house, shuts himself in a room, or tosses it back on me with “moms are better at this stuff.”
When I told him to step up more if he’s so against adoption, he said, “Raising daughters is a mom’s job.” Seriously? And then, instead of taking at least any responsibility, like a real grown-up, he pulled a stunt to “teach me a lesson.”
He packed a small overnight bag for our daughter and dropped her off at my work—without telling me first. Just brought her in, said “She’s your problem,” and left. He turned off his phone and didn’t come back for hours.
She spent the day in the corner of my office throwing tantrums while I was in back-to-back meetings, sobbing, kicking furniture, and screaming that she was bored and hungry. My boss saw it. My coworkers saw it. It was humiliating and chaotic. I almost lost my job.
And when he finally reappeared, he acted smug. Said, “Maybe now you’ll appreciate how hard it is.” But... I already know. I’ve been doing it alone for years.
The difference is, I’m not abandoning her at his job just to make a point. So yeah. I’m the monster. But I’m also the only one actually dealing with the monster every day while my husband throws stones from the sidelines.
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I need advice and maybe a kind push to a right decision, because I feel like I’m drowning in guilt, responsibility and unexpected childishness of my husband."
