I Refuse to Cancel My Dream Trip to Be at My Brother’s Wedding, Even Though His New Request Hurts

When once-in-a-lifetime plans clash with once-in-a-lifetime family events, what’s the right move? Our reader finds himself stuck between his long-planned adventure and his brother’s wedding. Cancel the trip or stick to his plans? He turned to us for advice, hoping to find a solution that would keep both his dreams and family ties intact.

Dear Bright Side,

I’m in a real bind right now and could use some outside perspective. I’m 32 and for the last three years, I’ve been meticulously planning a personal journey that means everything to me. It’s not just a trip—it’s a six-week volunteer expedition to Africa, where I’ll be helping with wildlife conservation and rehabilitation efforts for endangered species. This has been a lifelong dream for me, something I’ve saved up for, trained for, and committed to heart and soul. The program starts just after Christmas, and I’ve already spent nearly US$15,000 on it, not to mention countless hours preparing for it.

But here is the twist: my older brother just got engaged after eight months of dating, and they’re planning a wedding that is happening in early January—the same weekend I’ll be deep in the wild with zero cell service. To make things even worse and harder, he added that he wanted me to be his best man.

Now, let me be clear—we are close. He’s been my rock in so many ways. But I’ve been working toward this expedition for years. It’s not a casual getaway; it’s something that aligns with my passion for animal conservation and could even open doors for a new career path. The costs are non-refundable, and the program has strict timelines I can’t adjust.

It’s eating me up inside. I want to be there for his big moment, but this trip is more than just a vacation to me. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to do something meaningful, and missing it feels like letting myself down. At the same time, I don’t want to damage my relationship with him or seem like I’m brushing off this huge milestone in his life. My brother has gone from passive-aggressively dropping comments to outright telling me I’m being selfish for prioritizing animals over him.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

All the best,
Jackson

Thanks for reaching out, Jackson! We hope our perspective will help you see this challenge in a whole new light.

This is a tough situation, but you’ve already done a lot of the right things by being open with your brother. It’s clear you care about him, and your letter shows how much this trip means to you as well. Let’s break this down.

• Acknowledge the importance of both events: Your brother’s wedding is a milestone, and being asked to be his best man is an honor. At the same time, this trip isn’t just a casual getaway—it’s a dream you’ve spent years planning and saving for, with a lot of money and even your career path on the line.

• Communication is key: It sounds like your brother is struggling to understand your perspective, even though he’s known about the trip. Sit him down again and explain calmly and empathetically why it’s so important to you. Reiterate that missing his wedding isn’t about valuing animals more than him—it’s about commitments and logistics that were already in place long before the wedding date was set.

• Offer alternatives: Being the best man doesn’t mean physically standing beside him. If you absolutely cannot change your plans, suggest meaningful ways to be part of his wedding. Can you record a heartfelt video message to play at the reception? Write a personal letter to newlyweds so they can read it after celebration? Make time before or after your trip to celebrate with him and his fiancée?

• Think long-term: Ask yourself how you’ll feel about this choice years from now. If you stick to your trip, will you regret missing the wedding? If you cancel the trip, will it cause lasting resentment? Sometimes, family relationships matter more than the immediate financial or logistical impact, but only you can weigh that for yourself.

• Understand that compromise may not satisfy everyone: No matter what you decide, some people may judge or disagree. That’s okay. What’s important is being honest with yourself and doing your best to honor both your commitments and your relationships.

Ultimately, this is your call. Whether you go on the trip or attend the wedding, the key is handling the situation with love and understanding to preserve your bond with your brother while staying true to your values and commitments. We hope that you’ll make the right choice. Wish you the best!

Also, it’s important not to get manipulated in this situation. Check out these signs to handle things carefully and avoid making decisions you may regret in the future.