One desperate stepdad reached out to share the story of his rocky relationship with his 14-year-old stepdaughter. She insists on dictating the family menu with her “clean eating” rules, but he refuses to play along. When he finally set strict boundaries, the household exploded in drama.
“Hi, Bright Side,
I (52M) have been married to my wife for 6 years. She has a daughter, Ivy (14F), from her first marriage. I do most of the cooking in our house. I actually enjoy it, but it’s become my responsibility by default.
Recently, Ivy got really into ‘clean eating.’ She’s been watching a lot of videos and following accounts that talk about cutting out fried foods, sugar, certain carbs, etc. She sat us down and listed all the things she refuses to eat now. I tried to be supportive, but honestly, the list was long and kind of restrictive.
Last week, I made fried chicken for dinner. It’s something my wife and I both love, and I figured Ivy could just eat the sides if she didn’t want the chicken. But Ivy got upset and said I wasn’t respecting her.
I told her, ‘Look, if you’re going to cut out half the foods I cook, then maybe you should start making your own meals or go live anywhere else!’ She got angry and stormed off. My wife later told me I shouldn’t have said that because Ivy’s sensitive, and it made her feel excluded.”
Sounds like to me there is more going on than "clean eating" such as some form of mental illness. She should be evaluated but short of that I would not allow anyone, let alone a teenager living in my home manipulate and try to control a situation.
“That night, I heard a loud crash in Ivy’s room. I ran in and found her in the middle of a full meltdown. She was crying, saying that it was my fault because I ignored her food rules. She said now she’d have to cook for herself all the time since I wouldn’t ‘care’ about what she eats, and that it wasn’t fair because I’m the main cook in the house, not her mom.
I didn’t know what to say. She was shaking and sobbing, and I felt like I had pushed her into this. At the same time, I can’t cook three different meals every night. I don’t think it’s reasonable.
My wife thinks I should have been more flexible and tried harder to accommodate Ivy, especially since she’s a teenager dealing with body image stuff. But I feel like I’m being set up to fail here.
I’m really torn. I don’t want to dismiss Ivy’s feelings, but I also don’t want to be held responsible for her food choices and body image struggles. I’m not her enemy, I just can’t bend to every new rule she makes up.
So... am I a villain for telling her to cook her own food?”
Just because you're the main cook doesn't mean Ivy can't cook her own meals. She needs to learn she can't dictate what other people eat. Continue to cook your own food. Let her throw a temper tantrum all she wants. Sooner or later, unless she wants to starve, she'll come around. She'll either eat what's put in front of her or she'll learn to cook her own meals. Meanwhile perhaps consider sitting down with her and plan a grocery list of "clean food" she can cook for herself.
Readers in the Bright Side community got deeply emotional over Larry’s story in the comments. It had people divided, and here are some top comments our community members left after reading his explosive story:
Mom needs to start cooking. Let here deal with it. Or daughter cooks for herself.
He should have said that from now on he will let her know what's for dinner and if she likes some or all of it she can eat it and supplement it with something else if necessary. It was a harsh way to express his frustration with the my way or the highway response. I think he could compromise with a little flex on both sides.
Ivy is 14 years old. She should be able to cook by now. If she truly is into the clean eating movement, which is better than most things teens are into, support her. She obviously has access to the internet. Tell her to make a menu of things she would like to make. You're the cook. Show her how to prepare for cooking her menu. Have her give whoever does the grocery shopping a list of ingredients she will need. This can be a bonding experience for both of you. You can cook for yourself and your wife, Ivy can cook for herself. If the food overlaps and everyone enjoys it, better still.
I don't know? I have always had issue with extreme unhealthy menus. My family not picky always are healthy as a whole, however when my mother married she was obsessed with proving she cook meals this person grew up on. I hated everything. Especially because, she just made it somehow more grouse, and got all hysterical when she failed. Trauma. As a whole I must have raw foliage. Fresh stuff always incorporated. I don't complain, I just get it done. I garden, though. During summer it really fits my pleasure factors. I think incorporating more healthy options with the main protein option will help her learn to balance what she thinks she wants, to what her body needs. It's not so much control but get books from the library with a variety of healthy diets nothing obsessed with calorie counting. At her age active teens need higher calorie intake but not saturated and processed foods. If she learns to read labels she'll realize that many things panned as healthy are anything but. Education on food will help her feel heard and educate her on facts not paranoid calorie counting. You may find a few recipes worth your effort. I think we can all use a little tweaking in life. You aren't a horrible person, being a teenager sucks for a lot of people. A little effort in bringing in cookbooks of various diet types might be enough to help her understand sometimes, you just have to eat what's there , even if that's a Snickers. I think food education is a way she'll feel heard and acknowledged and fill in the blanks. There are so many great diets and many harmful ones too. Healthy is best. Live and learn, good luck. She's just trying to identify and be herself but hasn't become that person yet. She's working on it.
Comprise have her cook several days a week. Explain to her that throughput her life she will meet people with different dietary requirements she will have to adjust and accept everyone is different
As an adult step child, I don't think it was about not making her food. It was about telling her to eat it or go live somewhere else . You could have just told her she'd old enough to make food she likes if she doesn't like yours. Reading that you told her she could go live somewhere else when she's only 14 hurt my inner child who remembers feeling she didn't belong anywhere.
Dear Larry,
Instead of turning meals into a battlefield, try flipping the script: invite Ivy to design a “family experiment” night where everyone, including you, follows her clean-eating plan once a week. This gives her the authority she craves, but within a safe and limited frame. Then, in return, let her choose one evening where she eats what you prepare, without adjustments.
Present it not as punishment, but as a swap, her chance to lead and her chance to practice flexibility. Teenagers often calm down when they feel their ideas carry real weight but also see that others are making compromises, too. By turning meals into a rotating collaboration rather than a fixed duty, you shift the energy from conflict to teamwork.
And here’s one more blended family conflict shared by our reader, Emma. Emma is a stepmother. Cautious and protective by nature. She took it upon herself to make her home feel more secure, so she decided to install surveillance cameras.
One of those cameras ended up in her teenage stepdaughter’s bedroom. Emma insists she never meant to violate anyone’s privacy — her reasoning was safety and accountability. But when her stepdaughter found the hidden camera, the reaction wasn’t just emotional — it was volcanic. And the aftermath?
Let’s just say: Emma’s household quickly spiraled into complete chaos. Read her letter here to uncover the full, jaw-dropping story.
The first part of dad's reaction is perfectly reasonable. If you dont like what's being served, make something for yourself or eat the sides or go without ... she's a teen, she can choose one of those options. However, you never, NEVER, tell your kid to "go live somewhere else." That is a soul crushing, self esteem ruining thing to hear from a parent. This is especially true for a stepparent ... most kids will accept it as hyperbole, but opening the door to that doubt is harmful. In a stepfamily situation, this is even worse, as the threat of abandonment must be very real. You definitely owe your kid an apology and some reassurance for that part.
Brightsides advice always sucks!!! Don't give in to the teenager. Instead get her some mental help because it sounds like she needs it with that kind of tantrum/meltdown.
