Marriage is a time when families come together and relationships are built. But things are not always easy when it comes to in-laws. One of our readers saw her DIL’s true colors at the wedding, and her relationship with her son might suffer because of it.
Dear Bright Side,
My son recently got married to a woman I don’t know very well. They live in another state, so I only met her a couple of days before the wedding. She seemed nice, but it was rather shocking for me to have my DIL mock me for being a vegan.
There was some tension between us right off the bat, but I attended the wedding for my son. He’s my pride and joy and I wanted to see him happy. When I got to the reception, I saw that there was no assigned seating, so I sat at a table that had a sign for a ’vegan option.’
The meal arrived, and I was horrified when I saw the veggies. They looked rotten. So I asked the waitress for a salad, and she said that I would need to pay extra as there was only one vegetarian meal reserved. The salad would come from their usual menu.
I stood up to leave, feeling that I wasn’t a welcomed guest at my own son’s wedding. But my son came over and said, “You will regret this, mom. If you leave now, just forget us.” I was shocked that he would say something like that to me. I thought I raised him better.
I replied honestly, saying, “I came for you, but I won’t sit at a table where I’m mocked and then told to pay extra for a meal because the food I was served was expired.” With that, I turned around and left. I haven’t heard from my son since.
But a few days later, my DIL called me. She said I was being selfish for hurting my son and ruining the reception. She claimed that most of my family left after I did because they agreed with me. I kept quiet and let her rant. But the worst part was that she even waited for an apology.
I told her that she was the one who has been disrespecting me since the day we met. I don’t want to lose my son, but I’m not going to lose my pride either. If my son wanted to make things right, he could contact me himself.
It’s been two weeks and I still haven’t heard anything. So Bright Side, was it wrong of me to walk out of my son’s wedding reception and possibly ruin our relationship over a meal?
Regards,
Evelyn M.
Thank you for reaching out to us, Evelyn. We understand how difficult this situation must be, and we’ve put together some tips that might help.
This just shows that the son is a spineless bastard who does whatever his so-called wife says.
They will contact you when they need something, like money or for her to babysit. Think of this as a way to start your new life without a lot of "musts" Meet your friends, travel, have a good life...he will contact you when the pink glow has faded. Who knows, his next wedding might be better...
You don't owe them an explanation for not wanting to stay after being treated like you don't matter. They invited you and if they couldn't or wouldn't make an attempt at feeding you properly it's on them. All caterers can provide fresh, tasty vegan or vegetarian meals if that is what the are asked to provide. I will give you that once in a while it gets screwed up but it sounds more deliberate to me. The only apology owed is to you from both of them.
The spoiled vegan dish and the lack of accommodation were understandably upsetting, but your son may have seen your decision to leave as a rejection of him, not just the meal. If you want to preserve your bond, try to reach out and clarify. Say something like, “I left because I felt disrespected by the situation, not because I didn’t want to celebrate your marriage.” That distinction might open the door for healing.
You don’t need to apologize for being vegan or for standing up for yourself. But you could acknowledge that walking out on the reception may have hurt him more than you realized. Saying something like, “I wish I had handled it differently, because I love you and your happiness means more to me than any meal,” can soften the tension without you conceding your principles.
It sounds like your daughter-in-law thrives on confrontation, and right now, trying to “win” against her may only push your son further away. Instead, keep communication direct with him whenever possible. Focus on your bond with your son, and let him see through time and consistency that you want to be part of his life without getting caught in arguments.
Evelyn’s situation might be a difficult one, but there is still a chance for her to fix her relationship with her son. She isn’t the only one who has had trouble with her DIL, though.
Another one of our readers shared the story of her DIL. Read it here: My DIL Excluded Me From the Family Trip—but I Refused to Stay Silent.
You would think the fact that most of the family left after the way you were treated would have shown them that they were the ones being the a-holes not you. A wedding may be about the bride and the groom but a guest doesn't have to stay in a situation that makes them uncomfortable. They're guests not prisoners, you had every right to leave if you were being mistreated.
