My MIL Excluded Our Children From a Family Trip, So I Made Sure It Was “Unforgettable”

Right before we were supposed to leave for a family getaway, things blew up between me and my mother-in-law. She made a hurtful choice to leave my kids out while giving special treatment to my sister-in-law’s children. I knew I had to take a stand and show her she can’t just cross lines without consequences.

Dear Bright Side,

My MIL has never hidden her disapproval of our marriage. From day one, she’s made it clear that she thinks her daughter married “up” while my husband married “down.” I used to brush it off. But once we had kids, the favoritism became crystal clear.

She constantly praised her daughter’s children, posting about them on Facebook, attending every recital and soccer game. Her daughter’s children can do no wrong. Meanwhile, mine are “disobedient” and “too sensitive.” She even planned a big family trip and conveniently “forgot” to invite our children.

When I found out, I asked her directly why our kids were excluded. “It’s a more mature trip. Too much walking for little ones,” she said. The thing is, her daughter’s younger kid is the same age as ours.

Two days before the trip, I called her and said something had come up and we couldn’t make it. She sounded almost pleased. But what she didn’t know was that we sent our kids with their cousins, with my sister-in-law’s help, and booked ourselves a beach getaway instead.

My MIL lost her mind when she saw the kids arrive instead of us. She called my husband, fuming. He just said, “They deserved to be included this time.”

To make it better (or worse, depending on who you ask), we hosted a family dinner the weekend we returned. Everyone was there, except her. She wasn’t invited.

She later called my husband crying, saying she felt “forgotten.” He calmly said, “Now you know how it feels.” Now she wants to “start fresh,” but I can’t help but feel it’s too little too late. She’s trying to buy gifts for the kids and texting me every day like nothing ever happened.

I’m just not sure how to approach this. Was it petty to send the kids without telling her?

Best regards,
Rachel

Thank you for opening up about what you’re going through, Rachel. We’ve put together a few suggestions that might help you handle things with your mother-in-law in a way that brings more peace and clarity to the situation.

1. Start with a heart-to-heart for the sake of your children.

While your feelings are valid, the bigger picture now includes your children. If your MIL is genuinely trying to “start fresh,” you have every right to be cautious, but completely shutting her out might eventually confuse or hurt your kids.

Consider setting up a quiet, one-on-one conversation with her. Be clear that rebuilding trust means addressing the favoritism, not sweeping it under the rug. This way, you stay protective without closing the door completely.

2. Give her a chance to prove herself.

It’s tempting to focus on the big blowout moments, but healing comes from everyday effort. Instead of being swayed (or annoyed) by sudden gifts or constant texts, watch how she behaves over time. Does she remember birthdays without being reminded? Does she ask how all the grandkids are doing?

If she starts showing genuine interest and kindness without the expectation of applause, that’s a sign of growth. If not, you’ll know her “fresh start” was just a performance. Either way, you’re observing, not judging too quickly.

3. Keep your kids out of the adult tension.

If your children are old enough to notice the shifts, you don’t need to give them the full backstory, but you also don’t have to fake perfection. You can say something simple like, “Grandma is trying to be more involved now, and we’re giving her a chance to show she’s ready.” That models grace and accountability. It shows them how to handle hurt without being bitter.

And if the MIL falters again, you’ve already laid the groundwork for your children to understand you tried, which helps preserve their sense of family.

4. Be honest with yourself about what “starting fresh” means to you.

What would peace actually look like? Do you want her back in your life in a small, occasional way, or do you hope she’ll become a real, consistent presence if she changes? There’s no right answer. But knowing your own expectations will help you communicate clearly and avoid further disappointment.

If your gut still says “not yet,” that’s okay. You can let her know, “I’m open to starting fresh, but it’ll take time, and right now, I’m still healing.”

One of our readers shared a similar experience. She organized a getaway with her husband and politely turned down his mom’s request to come along. But when they got to the airport, she was shocked to find out her husband had secretly bought his mom a ticket. You can read the full story in our article.