My Stepdaughter’s Gluten-Free Demands Are Tearing My Family Apart

Family relationships can be challenging, and the introduction of stepparents often adds new layers of complexity. One woman took to Reddit to share her struggle involving her stepdaughter’s ever-changing dietary restrictions and her own role in managing them. She asked the community if she had crossed a line. Here’s how it unfolded.

The story has been edited by Bright Side.

Here’s what she wrote:

My stepdaughter, who is 15 years old, has been living with us every week and has been difficult when it comes to food. She first became vegan, and I tried to prepare meals without animal products. However, she quickly changed to a holistic diet and developed allergies to various foods.

My stepdaughter doesn’t eat lactose and gluten. She insists I keep her food and cookware separately, even throwing out items from the pantry that she believed were causing stomach pain. I told her to eat outside or do her cooking and cleaning herself, which infuriated her. My husband started yelling at me for it.

After suggesting she seek professional help, it was revealed that she had no allergies. Despite this, she insisted on her beliefs. I reached a breaking point and added to her meals gluten and lactose, which she unknowingly consumed without issue. When her mother visited and praised her daughter’s improved health due to her diet, I pointed out that she’d actually been eating the same food as the rest of us.

When she realized that, this led to a confrontation, resulting in my stepdaughter and her mother leaving. My husband was upset with me because she refused to live with us anymore. I told him that if he wants his daughter to live with him, he can move out. They have since filed a lawsuit, but I stand by my actions. I refuse to cater to the demands of a teenager with mental health issues, and will not apologize or make accommodations for her if she chooses to return.

As a nurse working long hours, I cannot afford the time or energy to comply with the unrealistic expectations of someone with unfounded beliefs about food. Am I wrong?

People’s reactions online sparked a debate.

Most commenters took the woman’s side, expressing frustration with the husband for not standing by her and for failing to take responsibility for his daughter’s dietary choices.

• One user claimed: “She definitely should be evaluated for any health issues, but honestly? With parents this permissive, it could just be she’s doing it because she can. Because she loves the disruption it causes stepmom and her dad and because she gets all the attention she wants from her parents when she does it.” © TALKTOME0701 / Reddit
• Another added: If your husband wants to back up his daughter so much, he’ll learn how to support her dietary needs. His pawning it off on you and then yelling at you while he does nothing all shows just how “supportive” he actually is. If her mom is drinking the Kool-Aid, she can send your stepdaughter batched meals that can be heated up by Little Miss Princess. © eternally_feral / Reddit
• There was also one that said: “You’re treating her differently from the rest of the family?” You mean like she asked? She wanted a separate different menu. Your husband is really stretching how long incompetence can be ok with his inability to cook. Being a good father doesn’t make him a good husband. © Last-Butterscotch-68 / Reddit

Not everyone agreed, though. Some considered that the woman shouldn’t have been deceptive when it comes to food:

• I understand why you did it, especially since the allergy test was negative. But no one should be fed things deceptively. You should have simply refused to cater to her demands. Hey-Just-Saying / Reddit
• Maybe unpopular opinion, but I think it’s always wrong to lie to someone about what is in their food. That said, she can make her own meals. Longjumping_Crab_345 / Reddit

Tips for living with someone with dietary needs.

While this may not be this user’s particular case, in general, dealing with food restrictions can be tricky, but a little understanding goes a long way. Experts say the best approach is to listen, talk things through, and share the responsibility. It’s not just about cooking, it’s about making someone feel heard.

Even if a diet seems unusual, showing respect and working together can keep things from blowing up. Involving everyone in the process, including the one with the restrictions, can make things smoother for the whole family.

If the conversation about gluten sparked your curiosity, here’s a list of 9 signs that might point out you’re gluten sensitive, and it may be useful to check with a health professional.