We Exclude Our Friend From Our Gatherings Because of Her Baby
The birth of a child is a profound turning point in a parent’s existence. It necessitates a recalibration of how they navigate their daily routines as their focus pivots toward the newborn. However, in today’s story, we encounter a mother who aspires to maintain a youthful, single lifestyle while incorporating the baby into all social gatherings. Regrettably, her friends are growing weary of this choice.
This is her story.
One of my friends, Anna, had a baby around six months back. Our friend group is otherwise childless. We all used to hang out a lot before the baby was born. The baby changed dynamics because Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her, and it was a baby.
We tried to plan things around the baby to include Anna, but it always ended up badly. We shouldn’t be loud cause the baby needs to sleep. The icing on the cake is that her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for the rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby.
Last weekend, all of us went on a staycation. We had a great time and posted photos and videos on Instagram.
Anna saw these and called me to ask why I did not ask her to come with us. I tried telling her it was a last-minute plan and that we could only find a child-free resort to avoid hurting her feelings. She called my bluff, sending me pics some random family had posted with kids at the resort.
She kept forcing me, and I told her we did not want to hang out with her baby. She asked how can I say that about her baby. I asked her to leave it at that, but she wouldn’t.
I finally told her it was the baby and we were all young. We don’t want to live our lives around a baby she chose to have. We got to do adult stuff and party all we wanted. Her baby is the only reason she wasn’t invited. If she leaves the baby at home, she can come too.
She got really mad. She also sent a text in the group chat saying she was disappointed in all of us for excluding her just because she was a mom.
Half of our friend group thinks I should not have told her the real reason and is mad at me. The other half thinks she is unreasonable. Am I wrong for telling her the truth?
And people defended her.
- “Doesn’t sound like you were cruel about it. You are early 20s friends who want to go out, have some drinks, and generally be in adult environments. You shouldn’t be expected to revolve your whole social life around Anna’s needs as a mother. Would be nice to do some stuff with her and the baby occasionally. And perhaps when the baby gets older, Anna can get a sitter and come out with you. You were right to tell her the truth.” Ok-Profession-9372 / Reddit
- “You’re not excluding her because she’s a mom. You’re excluding her because she makes being a mom everyone else’s problem — she won’t leave the baby home, she expects you to cater to her needs, and it sounds like she doesn’t remove the baby from the situation when it’s fussy, so you all have to deal with it.” knitlikeaboss / Reddit
- “She needs to find other parents to hang out with now or figure out childcare if she wants to keep hanging out with her partying friends. She should have realized this would happen before deciding to give birth. Did she really think nothing would change when she became a mother?” AryaStark1313 / Reddit
- “I have 2... I get it... And no, they don’t go with me; I have both registered at 4 different drop-in daycares around my city, so if one is at capacity, I can drop them off at another for last-minute plans. And I always ask, ‘Kid-friendly? No? OK, cool, can’t get a sitter tonight. See y’all at the next event’.” CatchMeIfYouCan09 / Reddit
- “This is the reality of children, it changes your relationships with the people around you. Dynamics and needs change. As long as she is still involved in things that can be made child-appropriate (e.g., lunch), she can’t complain that you aren’t changing all your plans just for her. I understand that she’s hurt that she was left out, but it’s absolutely selfish to think that the rest of you would be happy to do a baby weekend away without babies of your own.” Natural_Garbage7674 / Reddit