I Refused to Babysit My Sister-in-Law’s Kids, After What She Did Behind My Back

Many people are happy to help family, but sometimes that generosity gets taken for granted. What starts as a kind gesture can turn into a situation where you feel used and unappreciated. It can be especially painful when those closest to you gossip or act unfairly behind your back. This story is a reminder that even with family, it’s okay to say no.

Giving without thanks.

Hello Bright Side!

The other day, my SIL asked me to babysit her kids, but refused to pay because I’m “family” and she had no money for a nanny. I said yes to avoid drama, though I felt uneasy about how she always seemed to take advantage of me. The day was long — I cleaned up spills, broke up sibling fights, and tried to keep the peace. By the time she got home, I was exhausted.

Used and unappreciated.

She invited me to stay for dinner, and I agreed, even though I was very tired. But as we ate, I noticed her phone screen light up again and again on the table. At first, I assumed it was harmless. Until a message popped up that made me question things about her money — they were from a very luxurious brand, letting her know that her package had arrived. Meanwhile, she hadn’t paid me because she said she didn’t have the money for a nanny. I guess she just didn’t want to spend it.

The dinner that opened her eyes.

When I confronted her, she just shrugged and claimed it was a gift from a friend, insisting she really didn’t have any money. But what she said was pure nonsense — just empty excuses to cover up her actions. The whole thing felt so disrespectful. It was clear she thought I’d just accept it and move on, but I couldn’t ignore how unfair it was. I quietly got up, grabbed my bag, and said, “Don’t ask me to babysit again.”

Was I really wrong? I’d been nothing but a helper in the family, and I truly didn’t mind babysitting for free. But telling me you have no money, and then going out and buying a designer bag? I don’t know... It’s not about the money — just a small gesture of appreciation would’ve meant so much.

Thank you for sharing such a personal story! We tried to gather some pieces of advice for handling this difficult and hurtful situation. Hope it helps!

1. Consider setting clear boundaries.

Family boundaries are the limits you set with family members to protect your personal space, time, and emotional well-being. They help you balance self-care with caring for those you love. Politely but firmly communicate what you are and aren’t willing to do, including babysitting without pay.

2. Try to don’t feel obligated just because you’re family.

We’re most likely to feel our strongest sense of obligation with family, and this is regardless of whether we had a great, good, OK, bad, terrible, or non-existent relationship with them. Family doesn’t automatically mean free labor or emotional abuse. Get honest about what you want versus what you feel obliged to do. This gives you an opening to bring awareness into the equation. Reflect and find the middle ground — a solution you can live with.

3. Consider seeking outside support.

Talk to close friends or a counselor who can offer perspective and advice. Seeking professional help when necessary: Psychologists are trained to address various mental health issues. If someone’s difficulties persist or worsen, seeking professional help can be the best course of action. Research local psychologists, ask for recommendations, and read reviews to find the right mental health professional for your loved one.

Situations like this remind us of the importance of setting healthy boundaries, even with family. Sometimes, standing up for ourselves is the first step toward healthier, more respectful relationships. In the end, self-respect is always worth it.