I Watched My Siblings Use My Parents as Their Personal Bank—but It Was Too Late to Stop It

Having siblings is usually a good thing, as you can share all the joys and sorrows that happen in a family with someone close to you. However, it can also cause tension if they have very diverse personalities and ways of thinking about certain things. Adam, the writer of the following letter, proves that children of the same parents can vary from each other and behave in a very different way.

Stealing the parents’ money

Dear Bright Side,

As the only son in my family, I’ve always felt responsible for looking out for my parents. Over time, I watched my sisters borrow money from them for things they didn’t need. When I finally worked up the courage to confront them, I was shocked to learn they had been secretly transferring money from our parents’ savings into their accounts to spend on luxuries.

They had access to the account through shared login information, which our parents had only given us for emergency use. But instead of respecting that, they took advantage of it. I discovered the transfers by accident when one of my sisters left her phone unattended, and I saw the app still open.

When I confronted them, they insisted our parents had permitted them to use the money, but they were lying. I asked them to show the transaction history to our parents, and they made excuses like, “Oh, you can’t access that feature anymore,” or, “The app’s been glitching ever since the update.”

Since my parents aren’t familiar with how these apps work, they believed my sisters and dismissed my concerns. I lost access to the account after that, so now I have no way to prove what I saw.

I’m stuck. I don’t know how to help or how to convince my parents that something’s wrong. I know what my sisters are doing is not right, and I want to stop them without causing irreparable harm to our relationship.

Thank you, Adam, for your letter. It sounds like a tough situation when you try to take care of your parents as a good son. Unlike your sisters, who seem to think only of themselves. Let’s see what your options are to manage these settings.

Talk to your sisters about the problem

As a first step, arrange private conversations with your sisters. Try to stay calm, listen to their reasons, and don’t interrupt them. But also tell about your feelings and your side of the story. Let them know you’re worried about your parents’ future, and that this kind of spending could hurt the whole family.

But if your sisters avoid talking to you, set up a family meeting. Explain the financial situation and reassure family members in a non-confrontational way that your goal is transparency and to create the best possible environment for your parent.

Educate your parents

To end your sisters’ unauthorized withdrawals, teach your parents how to use online banking and how they can monitor their accounts. This way, they can check themselves on all transactions that have been made by your sisters or anyone else.

Learning more about possible frauds and online scams can also be useful to keep their money safe. Along with elementary security measures like choosing a strong password or avoiding public networks.

Consult with a trusted third party

If things escalate or your parents’ finances are truly at risk, consider involving a neutral third party. Like a financial advisor who knows your parents’ financial history well, or a banker who can keep you up to date on relevant changes to account balances.

Use of a mediator can also help you reach a mutually agreeable resolution of a dispute while also helping to preserve relationships, which can be especially important in family law disputes.

To learn more about how to stay safe online, check out our 9 Ways to Stay Safe When You’re Online article.