I Refuse to Cash Out My Retirement to Pay for My Daughter’s Fertility Treatments

Family money conflicts test even the strongest bonds. When adult children face fertility struggles, parents often feel torn between helping and protecting their own future. One father’s heartbreaking IVF dilemma shows what happens when love, infertility, and retirement savings collide.

Hi, Bright Side,

Recently, my daughter begged me to cash out my retirement for her IVF treatment. I said no. She yelled, “You’re choosing money over your own grandchild!” We didn’t speak for weeks.

Last week, her husband called me. My heart stopped when he said, “Your daughter has been secretly selling her belongings and taking on debt to pay for treatments herself. Now she’s financially destroyed AND childless, and you refused to help when one more $18,000 cycle might have worked.”

But I already gave her $36,000 for those two previous cycles. I’m 62 with only $156,000 left in retirement savings after helping her. Giving another $18,000 means I’ll have given $54,000 total, over a third of my original retirement fund.

She’s drowning financially and childless after I already sacrificed so much. But, on the other hand, I’m her father, and that’s kind of my job to help my child become happy. I don’t know what to do.

Victor

Hi, Victor,

This situation is heartbreaking and reflects a very real family conflict many parents face when money and family collide.

You already helped a lot. Refusing to cash out your retirement savings doesn’t equal choosing money over your grandchild.

You’re facing a painful retirement money dilemma, and choosing not to destroy your own future while paying for fertility treatments is not selfish. You’re choosing not to chase something no one can promise will happen. IVF costs are high, and IVF doesn’t come with guarantees—even when people pour everything they have into it.

What worries us most isn’t that she’s childless right now. It’s that she’s drowning in debt and hiding it. That’s a clear sign of financial stress, and it often shows up when someone is overwhelmed by an infertility struggle and losing perspective. She’s not thinking clearly anymore.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth many families avoid: parenthood does not include a moral obligation to bankrupt yourself when helping adult children. This is where financial boundaries matter most.

If you give her this money, you might buy temporary peace in an already painful parent-child relationship. But if this new attempt doesn’t bring the desired result, will you be expected to cash out more? That kind of pressure only deepens parental guilt and creates long-term fear that can follow families for years.

Tell her you love her. Tell her you’re scared for her. Tell her you can’t give more money, but you won’t disappear.

Bright Side

Family financial pressure doesn’t always involve fertility struggles—sometimes it’s the opposite. One reader refused to give $10K to her pregnant sister and was labeled ungrateful. Years later, a shocking email revealed her parents had been lying to her all along: I Refuse to Help My Pregnant Sister, and I Don’t Feel Guilty