Everyone has house rules. Shoes off at the door, no smoking inside... and for some, no meat. But what happens when the family doesn’t take those rules seriously? One mother-in-law found out the hard way when her vegan daughter-in-law decided enough was enough.
I want to say it's your house and they should be understanding. However, I assume this is temporary and she needs protein to help heal after surgery. You could relax and just ask her to be careful so you don't have your meals contaminated. You definitely have a husband problem though. I'm thinking he doesn't want to be vegetarian himself, but his behavior is unacceptable.
"Hi Bright Side,
I’ve been a vegetarian for years, and my golden rule is no meat in my house. When my mother-in-law moved in after knee surgery, I made that boundary crystal clear. She smiled sweetly and said, “Of course, dear.”
But soon I started finding greasy pans shoved in the dishwasher, fast-food wrappers hidden in the trash, and one night I caught her microwaving chicken wings in my kitchen. When I confronted her, she shrugged: “You can’t control everyone. This isn’t just your house.
The next day, she told my husband I was ‘policing’ her and making her feel unwelcome. Instead of backing me up, he said I was being ‘too rigid’ and should just ‘let her live.’ Then he dropped the bomb — if I couldn’t compromise, maybe I should be the one to stay elsewhere until things cooled off.
The following morning, I walked downstairs and saw a suitcase by the door. For a second, I thought my mother-in-law had packed to leave. But when I looked closer, I realized it wasn’t hers — it was mine. My husband had packed it for me.
What should I do?
Emylin”
Thank you for sharing your story — it’s clear that this situation has deeply affected your family. Whether or not you feel you were wrong, the emotional distance and conflict are now very real, and the challenge now is how to move forward thoughtfully and constructively. Here are four pieces of advice that could help you.
Is it your house? Pack the MIL crap and put it outside. Your stuff stays inside. The time is now for confrontation. It is passive aggressive to pack your bag and put it outside. You need to go cold aggressive and fight right back. Throw all the meat coated dishes out in the yard with luggage. No means no. She lied.
What should you do, seriously? You should take that bag get the heck out of that house and file divorce papers.
No, then she loses her home. She has no reason to leave. MIL is a bully. Everyone knows you don’t back down from a loud mouth in your own GD house!
Her house, her rules. MIL is being unreasonable on purpose. She doesn't live there, she is a GUEST and a poor one at that. If she can't abide the rules, she can go back to her own house.
I agree with you, but it's also the husband's house.
I do feel like the OP is showing signs of controlling only because the husband does not seem to agree with her desires rules.
With that invitation, I would leave, and not come back. Hubby can take care of his mom
IF this is a true story then YES YOU SHOULD LEAVE. Vegetarian or not, unless she is contaminating what you eat with her food, you are just being a bully. Requiring ANYONE ELSE to adhere to your preferred way of eating is ludicrous. There are myriad ways to make sure that everyone is fed food they prefer without having arbitrary rules just so you can feel superior, and that is exactly how this comes off. Maybe a little compromise and compassion would help you resolve this issue without you needing to leave (ie: be sent away) or your MIL and husband feeling that is the only option. After all she wasn't butchering a cow on the counter. I can live with or without meat but if I was forced one way or the other I would do much more than pack your bag.
Admitting fault helps cut through the hurt, makes others feel safer in the relationship, and allows both parties to move past the conflict.
Refusing to admit being wrong is often tied to pride, fear of shame, or maintaining a rigid sense of being “right” — all things that prolong conflict and prevent emotional repair.
Intellectual humility (recognizing one’s own limits, including being wrong) strengthens relationships, improves trust, and promotes more open, honest conflict resolution.
your hubby packed your suitcase??? OMG, this is not just a red flag, it is a fire, what kind of a husband is he? you need to ask yourself, does he love you as his wife or he love his mother as one? and the mother - hmm trouble maker, not cool, but, you as well need to be a bit more open and accommodating, some people like to eat meat, and if you cant accommodate this for some of your family for some time it is really bad, you as well have a problem
Even if you feel justified in setting household rules, words like “This house is also my father’s house” signal that he may feel sidelined or disrespected in family decisions. The tension might not be about meat at all, but about his sense of being excluded from authority within a shared home.
Next step: Invite him into a calm, face-to-face conversation. Suggest working together to establish household expectations that honor both of your values. Think of it not as giving in, but as building a partnership.
Saying “Don’t come here if you don’t follow my rules” to anyone who lives with you may have felt like laying down the law. Being vegan in your own home is a valid choice. Imposing it as an absolute on others navigating loyalty, grief, or identity is likely to backfire.
Action: Introduce zones or compromises — e.g., “No meat in the kitchen, but if you order something, eat it so I don’t see it.” This gives space without changing your values.
Pride is always the problem. It's the original sin. It blinds everyone. Show love and understanding. Be all you can be.💝
Clinging to “I did nothing wrong” might preserve your pride, but it won’t bring your husband or stepdaughter back. Justified or not, the hurt they feel is real.
What to do: Reflect not only on the rule itself, but on how it was communicated. An apology doesn’t mean abandoning your vegan values — it means saying, “I’m sorry I made you feel unwelcome in your own home. That was never my intention.” Sometimes, that small acknowledgment can be the first step toward reopening a closed door.
Despite all the tensions we might face, there is also a lot of kindness in the world.
Here are 15 Stories That Prove Kindness Runs in Some People’s Veins.
I'd be filing for a divorce. The reason I list would be his mommy.
Oh but you are nasty, and you intended to be nasty. Let's call a spade a spade. Your judgmental. She stated her rules her mother agreed her husband agreed and then they said f you. I hope she leaves and gets a divorce
Imo the sneaking is unacceptable.
MIL AGREED to the rules, doesn't matter if they are unfair, she agreed so OP is automatically in the right.
There's bad behavior all around in this situation. These people will likely need the help of a counselor to resolve their differences. Hopefully everyone is still committed to the relationship or it will never work.
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