My Brother Took Something From Me, but My Family Wasn’t on My Side

When a loved one passes away, people do their best to keep their memories alive. Some have a thing that reminds them of their late loved one. But what happens if such a memento were given to someone else, without you knowing? One sister is in distress as she is experiencing this situation.

She shared her story.

My sister died when I was like 6 and she was 17. We weren’t super close or anything, but I still remember little bits of her, her laugh, how she always painted her nails, her posters. She was like this perfect angel to my Mom after she passed. I barely remember the funeral.

When I was 12, I found this old ring in her stuff. Nothing fancy, just a silver ring with a small stone. It fit me and I don’t know why, but I kept it. It wasn’t some big dramatic thing, I didn’t steal it or anything. I just... took it and started keeping it.

I didn’t wear it loads or flaunt it, just had it in this little box, and sometimes I’d look at it when I missed her. It kinda became this one thing that felt like mine, like my piece of her.

So anyway, last weekend we had this family lunch and my brother (27M) brought his girlfriend, whom everyone knew he was gonna propose to. And yeah, he stands up, does the big speech, and pulls out THE ring. My sister’s ring. The one I’ve kept for like 7 years.

I literally froze. His GF started crying, people were clapping, I was just sitting there, shocked. I looked at my Mom, and she just smiled at me like nothing happened.

After dinner, I asked her if that was my sister’s ring, and she said, “Yeah, your brother asked me and Dad, and we said it was fine.” She said it was sweet and symbolic, and my sister would’ve wanted it passed down.

I was confused; it was never yours to give, though? Like I’ve had it for years?? And she just went and was like, “Oh, come on, it’s just a ring, don’t be dramatic.” But when I had it, it wasn’t “just a ring”.

So, I kind of snapped. I waited until people were outside and told my brother I wanted it back. He laughed at first, then refused, and I said, “Ok, well then I’ll tell your GF where it came from and let her decide.”

He got mad, said I was ruining his proposal and making it about me like always. My Mom dragged me into the kitchen, saying everyone noticed I wasn’t happy and that I left halfway through dinner. It’s because I was crying in the bathroom.

Dad tried to calm it down, but my brother kept going on about how selfish I was and that I’d been weird about my sister for years. I didn’t even say anything, I just left early and haven’t spoken to any of them since. Mom rang me yesterday, asking if I had calmed down and if I’m ready to say sorry. I said, not really, and she hung up.

My cousin texted me later saying it was actually super messed up, and she doesn’t blame me, but I don’t know. I probably could’ve handled it better, but I just felt so blindsided. It’s not even about the ring, it’s just like. They acted like it didn’t matter to me. Like, I didn’t matter.

So yeah. Am I wrong?

People took her side and shared their thoughts.

• The ring has been in your possession for 7 years. It’s a sentimental reminder of your sister, not a stolen family heirloom. He took it without asking you and used it as an engagement ring for his girlfriend, who seemingly never met your sister. I cannot imagine what would possess your parents to say “yes” without asking you.
  Did your parents ever indicate that they didn’t want you to have the ring? Did your sister not have any other rings or jewelry that could’ve been given to your brother’s girlfriend? It is incredibly bizarre and disrespectful that they would allow this. © official_taco_corp / Reddit
• And your mom saying “it’s just a ring” is absurd because if it’s just a ring, then your brother can buy his girlfriend a ring and give you your sister’s ring since the girlfriend won’t have attached any sentimental value to it since it’s just a ring. It was yours because you claimed it, and no one asked you for it. It has a lot of value to you. © 7625607 / Reddit
• I particularly like how it’s “just a ring” when you are upset about it, but when you ask for it back, suddenly it is not “just a ring” and you are being selfish and making everything about you. From what you say, it seems pretty clear they knew you wore the ring and had an attachment to it.
  She was your sister too. Your loss and your grief are valid. They should have asked if you were ok with the ring being given to someone else first. © thefixxxer9985 / Reddit

She gave an update about her situation.

After receiving a lot of online comments and advice, she decided to apologize to her brother’s fiancée and meet for lunch. During their talk, she didn’t intend to take the ring back, but the fiancée noticed and apologized for taking the ring. She ended up getting it back.

However, after the meeting, her brother called and accused her of being selfish and ruining his marriage, saying she made it all about herself. OP’s parents also expressed disappointment, and now she feels like she messed up everything, including her brother’s relationship.

This situation took a turn, and OP got a worse reaction from her family, but people from the internet showed their support for her. Speaking of support, Mary, a wife and a new mom, needs support from her husband, but what she found broke her heart. Read her story at this link.