My MIL Pressures Me Into Breast Pumping for Her Own Satisfaction

Conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law often surface, especially regarding parenting choices. Striking a balance between maintaining a respectful relationship and asserting parental autonomy is important for family harmony. In recent events, a Reddit user found herself grappling with deep emotional distress triggered by a challenging situation with her MIL. This was compounded by the insensitive approach of her husband, making the situation even more difficult to handle.

She wrote:

«I have a 5-month-old daughter. My mother-in-law has been to our place easily 30+ times, and the ONLY thing she wants to „help“ with is either changing my daughter’s diaper or bottle-feeding her. We won’t let her change our daughter’s diaper, because the one time she did, she spent way too much time doing so. It creeped me out. It doesn’t take 10 minutes to wipe a baby. So we made a rule. No one changes our daughter but us.

But now the bottle issue... I strictly breastfeed. I have a pump, but I do not use it. I have no reason to use it. She doesn’t need to bottle-feed my baby, but it gets her irritated that I refuse.
I don’t plan to pump unless I need to. I currently do not need to. I work from home, and so does my husband. When there comes a reason for me to pump, I will. Her wanting to bottle-feed my baby isn’t a valid reason for me.»

She continued:

«So she came here yesterday afternoon while I was making dinner. My husband was watching the baby, who had been fussing for a good 5 minutes at this point, and he was trying to soothe her while I finished up dinner. My MIL says, „Here, I will take the baby while you finish dinner. Claire, can go pump real quick, so I can get the baby settled.“

I’m so tired of this argument with her, so in the heat of the moment, I slammed the spatula on the counter and said, „You’re not feeding my kid. I’m not pumping for you. Bring it up one more time, and you’ll have very little to do with your granddaughter’s life.“ I then take the baby, pass the spatula to my husband, walk into the back room, and lock myself away. I could hear her arguing with my husband in the kitchen and then a door slammed.

I come out, and I see that she left, while my husband is angrily finishing dinner. He then turns to me and callously says, „Is it a big deal for you to pump so that my mom can feed her granddaughter?!“ He then slams my plate down in front of me and storms off to his office and slams the door. And since his whole attitude has changed. He’s distant now...»

Other Redditors chimed in to support her viewpoint:

• If your husband is tired of being in the middle, then he needs to tell his mom to stop pushing. Your baby is exclusively breastfed, and MIL will not be feeding the baby with a bottle unless she is asked to, end of discussion. MIL does not need to, nor does she have a right to feed your baby. She fed her babies, and her turn was over. © tiffanydee55 / Reddit

• Many lactation consultants discourage the use of a bottle because some babies refuse to go back to the breast. There are a lot of mothers who strictly breastfeed and don’t use a bottle if they don’t have to.
  I get that your husband doesn’t want to be in the middle of it, but he needs to tell his mother that if she continues acting like that, he will go no or low contact with her. Your husband needs to understand that this child belongs to you and him and that your mother-in-law is trying to overstep your boundaries. Your child, your rules! © Glinda-The-Witch / Reddit

• It takes longer to pump than to breastfeed, is painful, and can lead to thrush if not properly disinfected. Don’t do it simply so that your mother-in-law can feed her and bond with her. Breastfeeding is quicker, easier, and less frustrating for you and your baby. When they’re your breasts, you get to decide. © RNGinx3 / Reddit

• I’m puzzled by your MIL’s suggestion. If you could drop cooking to pump that second, why wouldn’t you just feed her? I don’t get the logic of making the baby wait to eat while you pump, then filling the bottle, so MIL can feed it. It sounds like more work all around. © dr_lucia / Reddit

• Your mother-in-law has an issue with boundaries with your child and your rules. Your husband is caught in the middle, and it does sound like it is best for now that she is kept away. © No_Row3404 / Reddit

It’s not uncommon for a mother-in-law to bring emotional turmoil to her daughter-in-law. Even the most compassionate ones can occasionally exhibit behaviors that are difficult to understand. Here’s a collection of short stories that vividly highlight this point.