I Refused to Have an All-Vegan Menu at My Son’s Wedding

5 months ago

Our wedding day is meant to be one of our happiest, meticulously planned to reflect our preferences. However, Norma felt that her daughter-in-law's decision for a strictly vegan menu was selfish, given Norma's family's love for meat. She took matters into her own hands and arranged for meat at the wedding without the bride's knowledge. This has caused significant issues, prompting Norma to reach out to us for advice.

Here is Norma’s letter:

Mark Montgomery

2 months ago

Yes. You were wrong! It was inconsiderate of you to order behind her back for HER wedding. If you wanted meat, you should have talked to her about it.

Norma, thank you for sharing your story. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.

Seek understanding and compromise.

Patricia Truett

5 months ago

ESH. Planning a wedding with total disregard for your guests comfort is selfish and mom is in the wrong for what she did. If meat eaters provide vegetarian/vegan options at their events the courtesy should go both ways.

Initiate a calm and empathetic conversation with your daughter-in-law. Acknowledge her perspective on veganism and express regret for the misunderstanding and disruption caused by the additional catering.

Propose finding a middle ground for future family gatherings where both vegan and non-vegan options can coexist, ensuring everyone feels respected and included.

Apologize and make amends.

patricia Torres

5 months ago

It was their wedding not yours. Think of how you would have felt had it been your wedding? It really was a terrible way to start pushing your nonnegotiable views and break ties. Shouldn't you have been trying to create a bond in order to be an important family member. I think too many, mother in-laws believe that imposing their power on their daughter in-laws is okay. Clearly it's not. You were once a daughter in-law. More importantly, it really seems that respect has gone completely out the door. No one wants to give it, nor show a miniscule of it. Respect is earned but one must give in order to receive. Once you've lost respect for someone it's more difficult to regain it. If you want your son to forgive you, you must apologize to his wife because it was her wedding not yours. Her choice was her own dilemma to own, but you turned it into a force of power. All about you. Have a conscience, stop being so naive that you think you're right. Bind the bridge or part ways, with your son and daughter in-law. Own your mistake.

Despite your initial resistance, consider apologizing sincerely to your daughter-in-law for going against her wishes. Express regret for not respecting her choice and causing distress on a day that meant a lot to her.

Offer to make amends by hosting a family dinner or event where she can plan the menu according to her preferences, demonstrating your willingness to support her decisions and reconcile the relationship.

Family mediation and resolution.

If tensions persist, suggest involving a neutral third party, like a family therapist or mediator, to facilitate a constructive dialogue between you, your son, and your daughter-in-law.

This can provide a structured environment to address underlying issues, clarify misunderstandings, and work towards rebuilding trust and harmony within the family unit.

Set boundaries and respect differences.

Establish clear boundaries for future family events regarding dietary preferences and other sensitive matters. Encourage open communication and mutual respect among family members to prevent similar conflicts.

Emphasize the importance of honoring individual choices while fostering a supportive and inclusive environment for everyone involved in family gatherings.

Leah's wedding also turned sour when the young bride insisted on proceeding with her big day despite a recent tragic family event. Read Leah's poignant story here.

Preview photo credit Ron Lach / Pexels

Comments

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Deborah Brett

5 months ago

You can't manage a single meal without meat? Really? You went behind DILs back, bought in another caterer to add meat to her vegan menu, and you don't think you massively overstepped? The compromise is this: you let the bride have her vegan menu, you shut up about it, and you go through a drivethru on the way home if you want a burger. You need to apologise abjectly.

Doug Bruce

5 months ago

Nobody wants to eat vegan except vegans. Period.
Animals are delicious!

Yolanda Singleton

5 months ago

Your not wrong if you had a side menu/cater because some people can't eat everything. But I would have given my son this round. But I'm also very petty cause every family functions after his wedding that she attends will be a meat only function period. If she doesn't like it she can bring her own bushes and trees and berries to eat. I would not provide none of it.

Marian Neudel

3 months ago

Just from now on never serve food at any family event. And if she, or anyone else, brings food, throw it out.

Laeh Maggie Garfield

week ago

IT SEEMS MOST OF YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOD AND NUTRITION. I do not eat any milk products. People don't eat meat because it is raised in a cruel manner. Same for cows and goats that produce milk. If you want low chorlestrol need or to avoid getting cancer eat vegetables and learn other ways to cook. I have eaten organic food since 1969. Not overweight, muscular frame, take only one medication. If you want to be healthy in old age, and active you will have to eat right.