“Recently, I lost my mom. I knew that my life wouldn’t be the same anymore, but I didn’t expect it to flip that much.” When our reader’s dad remarried someone her age, he expected them to bond like family. But after her new “mom” crossed a line, Bella couldn’t stay quiet. How can she navigate this new family dynamic when it feels like she is losing her dad, too?
You don't have to out for coffee or shopping, but you don't have to be enemies either. Your father didn't kill your mom. He has the right to remake his life as you will have the right to marry someone that he will probably wont aprove. But it's his life as much as yours. Unless your 100% she's just a gold digger. She eill probably take care of him in his old age while you are busy raising your kids.
Hello, Bright Side,
My name is Bella, and I’m 24 years old. Recently, I lost my mom. I knew that my life wouldn’t be the same anymore, but I didn’t expect it to flip that much.
So, my dad (59) married Lucy (27) and keeps forcing me to “be friends” with her. I feel sick. At dinner, my dad started again, so I snapped: “She’s closer to my age than you, and she’ll never be family to me.” Lucy just smirked.
The next day, I froze when I saw that Lucy had taken down all my mom’s old photos from the living room. When I confronted her, she said, “Since we’re not family, don’t expect me to treat you like one. Your mom isn’t my family either.”
I told my dad, but he brushed it off, saying I needed to move on. He added that I needed to understand that it was his life now, and I should respect his choices.
I’m really struggling with this. I’ve tried to make peace with it, but I just don’t think I can accept Lucy as part of my life. I feel like I’m losing both my mom’s memory and my dad in a way, and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here. Any advice would be really appreciated.
Bella you’re 24 years old, you should be on your own. Life as you knew it has changed & will never go back.
Bella, I’m so sorry you lost your mother, AND have this new person around. I would be getting the hell out of that house ASAP. That is a powder keg, whether you realize it or not. A 27 year old new wife is not mature enough to work this out, so you gotta go, for safety’s sake. If you even want to talk to your dad, do it without her.
I'm so sorry your home life has become this mess. I remember losing my own mother at a similar age. It hit like a truck flattened me and I just couldn't reinflate. Every little thread and reminder I could find wad so important. I found a recording of her voice and it practically made me weep to hear it. Secure those photos and make it clear to the both of them that if they expect civility from you then they need to respect your mother's memory. You don't have to be friends or family with this woman. Your dad needs to wake up. Until he does, stand firm, no matter how alone you feel, you are cared about and you're not crazy, cherish your memories of your mother and stay true to yourself.
You don't treat your father's new wife with respect or even common courtesy so why should you expect her to treat you with respect or common courtesy? She's trying to create a relationship with you (not trying to replace your mother until you forced the issue), only to be rebuffed at every turn.
It's time for you to clear the air with your father and then work with him to build a relationship with his wife.
Its so perfect that your name is 'Karen' with an attitude like that. This dude marries a woman *literally* young enough to be his daughter soon after her mother dies, and shes supposed to...what, act like this is normal? The wife's response was also horrendous and immature, which isn't too surprising, given how young she is. What respect is owed here exactly? Her dad is the one trying to force the issue when he should've just been grateful she didnt blow up at him before. The fact that he didnt care about the pictures being taken down speaks volumes. She's supposed to respect this woman and treat her as family, this dude does not respect his deceased wife or his daughter. He is owed nothing.
Dad is living his life with his chosen partner. You don't have to be her friend. Just be cordial and respectful!. Be glad you're dead and happy. (It's not about you!)
You don't have to except her just because he said so. You have your mother to respect to. Besides that girl doesn't really want to be a friend to you. Tell your dad he needs to make a choice or move on.
You will lose both, your dad is trying to move forward with what he wants. He's doesn't care to understand where you are at, is all about him and his new toy. You need to understand that he has the right to make decisions even if you don't agree. She may be the one that helps him through this time. Don't do anything you will regret. Explain to him all you can do is try ask for the photos and your mom's things so you can have some keepsakes. Some people can just move forward quickly and some can't.
You’re 24 years old. It’s time you moved out and get your own place.
Young girls/women with old guys are after money and will do as little in bed to keep getting it. While they have a young guy on the side that doesn't need little blue pills!! Young boys/men who are with old ladies want a Mom they can F that will take care of them financially and housecleaning and cook etc. The faster people realize this the better. Maybe 1 in a million have actual relationships but it's rare.
I'm really feeling sorry for you. We will be married 47yrs this year. It is true love.
Putting it bluntly, your dad is a piece of shi" and this 27 year old only sees dollar signs. These old fools think they have anything in common with a 27yr old is pathetic, im 62 yrs i know, your best thing to do is walk away , your relationship with your father will get worse as long as the gold digger is their . Men are so dumb sometimes sorry
My dad's wife is 7 years older than I am. They have been together 35 years. To make some happy so there's nothing for me to say about it or interfere with.
Your 27 walk away !
She's 24, step-mother is 27.
Easy to get that confused when step mother and daughter are nearly the same age *shudder*
Go get those pictures of your mom before the 2nd wife puts them in the trash.
So next .. I guess you'll have to start meeting your dad for lunch or dinner. Just the two of you. Don't talk about the 2nd wife, talk about your future. If he is a good dad he will be proud of you for planning for the future and having goals..
If he is not a good dad.. I'm so sorry. Some are selfish.
Sounds like he'll bring his wife. "So you can get to know each other." Pushing her farther away.
Dear Bella,
You’re in a tough spot, and it’s clear you’re doing your best to handle an emotionally complicated situation. Whether it’s not very clear if you still live at your dad’s and if Lucy wants you two to be close, we believe that the key here is to find ways to communicate what you need to your dad and also to give yourself the space to process what’s happening in a way that feels manageable and doable in the current situation.
Another reader faced a similar crossroads when his parents rejected his wife, forcing him to make the painful choice to cut ties. Now, they want to reconnect with their child, and he’s left wondering: Is it too little, too late?
Introduce your stepmom to a couple of your male friends. I'm sure she'll be cheating on your dad within the next month and a half or two. No 27-year-old woman marries a 50-something year old man out of love.
As previously stated, get your mom's photos and other keepsakes from her. Seems like your dad doesn't care where they go. I fear that Lucy has your dad by the cajones and you won't have him until he's over his love sickness. Cherish your mom's memory, go LC, don't expect an inheritance, and live a life with family you do choose.
Start dating a 65yr old man, preferably one of your dad's friends.
Start calling him daddy in front of your dad.
Nuking this whole thing from orbit is the only way to be sure.
Until the gold digger is gone, there will be no relationship with your dad. Cut them both off ... tell your dad to contact you when sugared baby is gone. You won't be waiting long.
