My DIL Pushed Me Out of Their Family Circle—I Responded With the Ultimate Payback

Our reader felt left out of her son and daughter-in-law’s plans. So she decided to make her own to not feel excluded. But her actions caused tension, harsh words, and even distance. Now she wonders if she went too far.

Dear Bright Side,

My son and DIL planned a trip and didn’t invite me. I asked if I could come along, and my DIL gave me that tight smile and said, “We want to build memories with the kids, just us.” It hurt, but I didn’t argue. Instead, while they were gone, I quietly planned my own “family trip.” I invited my daughter (from my first marriage) and her kids.

Here’s where it gets worse: a few days later, my daughter showed me texts from my DIL. She had messaged her saying I was “pathetic” for trying to copy their trip and that my daughter should “set boundaries too before I ruin her marriage.” My daughter clapped back hard and told her she had no right to say anything about her family.

Now the whole thing is messy. My son says I need to apologize to his wife, my daughter refuses to talk to him because of the comments, and the cousins—who usually adore each other—aren’t even allowed to play together right now because the parents are clashing.

So yeah, did I do anything wrong when I planned my own family trip after being excluded from theirs?

Christina R.C., 57 years old

Hi Christina,

You asked if you did anything wrong. Planning your own trip with your daughter was not wrong. But in this situation, it looked like you were trying to get back at your son and daughter-in-law, and that’s what fueled the conflict. Here’s how you can handle it now.

1. Accept that your son and DIL have their own family.

• They are a family with kids. It’s normal for them to want some trips just for themselves.
• It’s okay to feel hurt, but you need to accept that not every family trip will include you.

2. Recognize how your actions looked.

• Planning your own “family trip” immediately after theirs does give the impression you were trying to copy or get back at them.
• Even if that wasn’t your intent, perception matters. Again, it doesn’t mean you were wrong to make plans, but timing and framing made it messy.

3. Take responsibility for escalation.

• Your daughter-in-law’s text was rude, but your reaction played a part in how things blew up.
• When you talk to your son, say something like: “I didn’t mean to compete with you. I just wanted time with my daughter and grandkids, but I see how it looked different.” It will show that you understand and make it easier to move forward.

4. Keep boundaries.

• Don’t ask to join their trips unless they invite you. Let them decide.
• Plan your own trips without looking back at them.
• Ask your daughter not to fight with your daughter-in-law for you. That only makes things bigger and harder to fix.
• Tell both sides that the cousins should not be pulled into this. They are not part of the fight.

Wishing you wisdom,
Bright Side

Family conflicts can take many forms. In another case, Albert faced a storm when his stepbrother borrowed his car without asking, wrecked it, and left the family divided over who should pay the $15K repair bill.